


Light Bulb

by the_broken_bleeding_rose



Category: Big Hero 6 (2014)
Genre: Angst, I don't know if the descriptions will be as graphic as the warnings suggest, I should stop, I suppose I should write something useful, I was asked to update this with Triggers as a tag, M/M, Oh Tadashi lives after the fire, Oohh additional tags!, SO, Self harm?, Triggers, and I'm going all out!, but better safe than sorry, generally messed up, hurt comfort, i suppose i should write incest too, im obbsessed, this is my first fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-20
Updated: 2016-06-06
Packaged: 2018-04-05 06:41:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 40
Words: 31,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4169838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_broken_bleeding_rose/pseuds/the_broken_bleeding_rose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Please don't close the curtains,<br/>Turn on the light;<br/>I'm suffocating in this darkness<br/>Bring the sun, leave the night.</p><p>It's all my fault</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Please don't close the curtains

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! *sips tea* So I am very nervous about this. *sips more tea* Been reading fics for some time now and figured every girl reaches a time in her life when she needs to post one herself. So I decided I would go down the Big Hero 6 route, as who doesn't love a bit o' Disney and Marvel and incest.
> 
> *puts the kettle on again*
> 
> Okay... that's creepy... buut we like creepy too so the world is good!
> 
> Just a few things I will say:  
> \--I leave dramatic spaces (can't help it, I'm a drama student...) for effect so don't worry if you think your laptop/phone or whatever is messing up.  
> \--I would luurrvve comments- good or bad, so I can improve or maintain *winks* my writing skills or spelling/grammar mistakes. ALSO, sometimes I get a bit carried away with my thesaurus- so if somethings wrong just say!  
> \--I do have a tumblr account ( http://the-broken-bleeding-rose.tumblr.com/ ) I don't usually post anything personally, but if you wanna jump on the band wagon on your head be it! 
> 
> *laughs menacingly*
> 
> *sips more tea*
> 
> Righto *awkward silence* I think that these are the longest notes ever and I should carry on writing (or tidy my room...)
> 
> Enjoy (?) reading, God bless *big hug* (unless you don't like hugs in which case I will bow and walk swiftly away)

Cass trudged up the stairs, plate of hot wings grasped in her right hand and jumbo packet of Gummy Bears in her left. Half way up the stairs she paused. She breathed in.

Deeply.

She repeated this for a while, attempting to stop her quivering hands. Or at least calm them. 

It was silly really, stupid. It was only Hiro for peaks sake! But since... since...  _Tadashi_ she had been left feeling helpless. She was caught within a vacuum, and as every day, minute, second passed she was forced further and further away from the muted cries of her nephew.

Hiro was collapsing- sinking away from reality. Cass knew she couldn't hold out much longer, knew Hiro couldn't hold out much longer. She was desperate. And it hurt.

It hurt so much. ~~  
~~

 

She pasted on her smile.   
"Hey Hiro." Cass swept around the corner, straight over to his bed. He was still huddled under the duvet. She placed the gummy bears at the bottom of he bed and replaced the full plate of fruit and muffins with the plate of wings.

Everyday the same. Full plate replacing full plate. 

Hiro continually in those four walls, encased in the room that used to bed two. 

She spoke with a deliberate casualness, about nothing in-particular. She even feigned calm when he _actually_ replied. She spotted a glimmer of a smile... But it was shrouded in a melancholy shadow. She padded over to the window. Light. _  
_

Light is what this boy needed. God knows it was what both of them needed. She opened the curtains.

 

-+-

 

It was black. All I could see was black. It was simultaneously clenching and boundless. Claustrophobic and agoraphobic. There could be anything directly in-front of my face, but there might also be a void where I would fall.

And fall. 

And fall.

I tried to focus my eyes, or at least hear or even  _feel_ where I was. Nothing.

No inkling on who had put me here or even why. No on had spoken to me  ~~yet.~~ But I did know I was bound by my wrists and ankles.

I also knew I was naked.

Panicking would not help in a situation like this-- I was sure about that, so I tried my best to regulate my breathing. Easier said than done. I felt like a baby. A baby who had been placed in the middle of the ground with no one around it, just wailing for a friendly face to come and pick it up... Someone like... Cass...

Aunt Cass?

I gasped.

 

_Hiro!?_


	2. Turn on the light

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOOWW!! *Blushes* You guys Kudosing me! My family must think I have a secret lover or something as you've really cheered me up *beams* 
> 
> Again, let me know about any spelling or grammar mistakes.
> 
> So, waste not want not, hope you stick around and enjoy (?)
> 
> Blessing the youing *shakes your hand*

Hiro was behind a glass wall, clammy palms white with pressure against the glass. His glistening brown eyes were next to useless- as he could barely see through the moisture of tears that was dripping and gradually drowning his sweaty face. He wailed and cried through the glass, coal fringe clinging to his forehead.

But his voice could not be heard from the other side.

Tadashi’s cap shot backwards, a cruel foreshadowing of his imminent death. He didn’t hesitate as he advanced into the building.

_There should be an explosion._

But Hiro was inside, watching Tadashi’s hectic eyes squinting into fearful slits while his muscled arm attempted to shield his face from the savage fire.

The young man, Tadashi, _his brother,_ trekked further into the building, calling to his professor. Tadashi’s voice heightened in pitch and volume as each thrashing flame came closer, closer. Hiro throttled the glass, harder, harder. His little fist was pounding wildly.

“Tadashi! Don’t! Don’t…”

“Don’t stay in there!”

But Tadashi did stay. And Tadashi tripped over. And Tadashi’s turquoise trainers caught fire, the material scorching.

“STOP!”

And as the fire didn’t hear the 14 year old boy’s heart get wrenched from his little chest, and as it didn’t care about the brother whose fitted brown trousers it was mercilessly consuming, the fire _didn’t stop._

It continued until Tadashi’s skin was pooling onto the charcoaled floor around him; his animalistic shrieks rattling the glass.

Hiro snapped his face away, his features desperately clenching away from his brother burning. Hiro turned his whole body away, leaning his blue hooded back against the glass. His legs, trembling, gave way, sacrificing him to the concrete. His heaving chest was empty.

Only 5 minutes ago there had been a heart there.

  
Behind him he could still hear the crackling fire. Tadashi’s… _sounds._

Then it stopped. Silence.  
Startled, Hiro’s eyes formed perfect spheres of shock. Mouth drying, he turned- slowly- to look on the other side of the glass…

He screamed.

 

-+-

Cass’s unsuspecting body and mind fell out of her bed as the screams of Hiro plunged down the stairs to her room. She scrambled up.

Hiro was bent double over his bed, vomit spewing onto the wooden planks. His drenched body was still under the covers, his fingers curled painfully tight around the edges of his duvet. He continued retching, eyes watering anew.

Cass swallowed a sob and clambered next to him, hands reaching to pull his dripping hair out of the way.

When he settled, he remained where he was, little form wracked in shivers; drool and mucus gathered in the corners of his mouth. Cass wiped them away with her pyjama sleeve and pulled him to her, her hand combing through his hair. His breathing began to settle, and his shivers subsided.

~~Nevertheless, beneath his lidded eyes he can see the face. The face oozing against the glass, with horrified eyes boring through Hiros. The face with bared teeth painted red. The face with the bloodied skull. _Tadashi’s face._~~

~~“It’s all your fault.”~~

Hiro whimpered, hands grasped tighter around Cass. His body shuddered again.

“Hiro…” She tried. “Let me… let me put on the light.” She flicked the switch with haste then pulled him to her chest again, swaying gently. “It was just a nightmare.”

 

_But it wasn’t “just a nightmare.” It’s true._

_I did this._


	3. Many die after 3 days without water

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thought I'd get another chapter in before my prom tomorrow... yay! Hope all is well with you guys, remember to stay hydrated in these summer days (unless it's winter where you are... which is a weird thought... but still stay hydrated)
> 
> Keep the faith

It was the thought of Hiro which lit the gun powder within my mind. The suppressed panic caught light and sparked along my bound limbs. I trembled, breathing hastily quickening.

 _What had happened to him?_  I had run into the building. I had left him outside.  _Oh no._  My chest was heaving now.  _Had he followed me in?_  The image of Hiro following me in the flamed building made me grimace- my face like a ‘tragedy mask’.

Why didn’t I stay with him? He was my priority; I had the responsibility to  _look after him._ And yet I hadn’t. I had let him down  _again._ And now I didn’t even know if he was alive or… or…

 

 

 

 _ Stop. It’s not going to help _ .

 

-+-

 

Hiro never told Cass what he saw in his dream. Instead he kept to himself, sulking around his bedroom.

He eyed his bot on the shelf.

 

 

He wanted to do something reckless. Something dangerous.

 

 

But as he picked up Magabot, some of his hefty pieces dropped onto his foot.

 “OHW… AGH…” The pain consumed his entire body, suffocating his mind and botfighting thoughts. Clenching his toes he stepped back and sat onto his bed. He groaned again. “Ow.”

 

A suction, inflation sound came from Tadashi’s area of their bedroom. Hiro turned, frowning. A marshmallow robot had inflated; it paused before surveying the area. Hiro watched in confusion as he manoeuvred the room. Four books slipped off a shelf.

He waved when he made it to Hiro.

“Hello. I am Baymax, your personal healthcare companion.”

 

Hiro couldn’t believe it.

 

-+-

 

For once, I listened to myself. My panicking was making me sweat, which was drawing more attention to my ever growing thirst. And to top it off a headache was slowly diffusing across my brain.

 _One thing at a time_.

Why am I here?  _Breathe steadily, like you did before._  
Scenarios and reasons began flittering through my mind.

Perhaps I had pissed someone off? Perhaps this is my punishment for Hiro’s botfights. Perhaps I’m being held to ransom?

 

I had never contemplated being involved in a situation like this; I was always the ‘good boy’ who never got into trouble. It was  _Hiro_  that rebelled with that  _big brain of his._  Everything was so easy for him that it became boring.

 _Okay, plan of action._  I decided not to speak; they wouldn’t leave me here alone for too long, or else I would end up being a dead waste of space.  I attempted to sit up, but the bindings held me flush down. It wasn’t uncomfortable though, which I was grateful for.

 ~~It could’ve been a lot worse~~.

 

-+-

 

“I’m not crying.” Hiro wormed himself out of Baymax’s arms.

“I will scan you for injuries.”

Hiro pointed his finger at Baymax- “Don’t scan me.”

“Scan complete.”

“ _Unbelievable_!”


	4. Drip, drip, drip

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prom was fun (incase you were wondering..) I am usually asleep now but you guys deserve another chapter because you've been Kudosing me and it makes me happy! Hope you guys enjoy this chapter---- noottt much happens in all honesty but I want it to build up more before we get to the juicy stuff *sly face*
> 
> So yup, imma go to bed now methinks, more busy days ahead, but I'll find time for you *wink*
> 
> God bless

The headache was pulsing increasingly violently in my head; a beast immured within the constraints of my skull… and it was relentless. The beast extinguished thoughts that were not related to my arid mouth and lips.

_I’m not giving up on you._

 

“Can I…” Breathe. “drink.” I groaned. I needed the beast to leave.

 

A smooth, latex gloved hand clinched my jaw almost instantly. I flinched from the action, unaware that anyone was in the room, let alone _that close to me_. The thumb and forefinger slid off my jaw bone and to the squishiness of my cheeks- pushing my mouth into an ‘O’.

They then poured water into my mouth. I tried to gulp it all down as they _kept_ pouring, but I ended up coughing and gargling it down my chin.

I was panting by the time they stopped.

 

I heard a chuckle.

 

-+-

 

“Holy mother of Megazon!”

The microbots raised the metal container above the Kabuki-masked villain.

Fred eyed to the right, concerned that he might be hallucinating. GoGo held her hands out in preparation for action, Wasabi cowered into his grey jacket, Hiro’s pose resembled GoGo’s (having encountered the villain before, he felt somewhat experienced), Baymax mutely scanned the man while Honey Lemon snapped a photo of the scene.

They all knew what would come next, yet they were bewildered and captivated by the events that they had only seen in films.

 

He dropped the container.

 

-+-

 

“Th-thanks.”

 

Silence.

 

“Um… who are you?”

 

Silence.

 

“Are you still there?”

 

Silence.

 

I was embarrassed by the knowledge that someone could obviously see me and yet I had _no idea_.

 

“Could you turn on the light?”

A grunt.

Pause.

“Mr Hamada, that isn’t in my pay cheque.”

 

Oh. Okay then?

How could I respond to that? 

 

So I didn't.

 

-+-

 

"There are no red lights iN A CAR CHASE!"

 

-+-

 

“Could I… have another drink?”

The clinching hand returned... but the fingers didn't stay on my jaw or cheeks…


	5. No chapter title

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this has taken a little longer to update, if someone asked me if I had a life I'd say no but then I am always busy so meeeeh. Hope you are all well and enjoying what ever you do!
> 
> Try and stay positive with whatever's going on around you, I've had one of the right naffy days but I reckon it will end happily so search for that.
> 
> So yeah, hope you enjoy this chapter and take care, God bless :)

“Fred? W-where are you going?”

Fred ambled nonchalantly to the door of a mansion. His friends, whom were disgusted by his ‘trouser recycling’, were appalled that he could even _approach_ the door of this stunning building.

“Oohh!” Fred appreciated that they would not naturally associate him with a house of this grandeur. “Welcome to Mi Casa! That’s French for front door.”

Honey Lemon, always being friendly, played good cop: “It’s really…not.”

While GoGo played bad cop: “Listen nitwit, a lunatic in a mask just tried to kill us, I’m not in the mood for any-!”

Before GoGo could finished her sentence the door swung open and a high snouted Butler came out. “Welcome home Master Fredrick.”

“Heathcliffe, my man!”

The group were flabbergasted.

 

-+-

 

Instead, they went _inside my cheek._

 

I froze.

 

 

 

What would you have done?

“Wha-?!” I jerked my head away from the action when my brain finally communicated with my body.

 

~~Shhhhh pretty boy. Don’t move now.~~

 

I should have bitten down but I…

It’s not something you expect and plan how to respond…

I just…

 

 _Laid there_.

 

 

The finger ran along the inside of my lower lip, pulling it down against the dip above my chin. Then it followed the row of my bottom teeth and into the hollow of my cheek. Then it _popped_ out.

 

Afterwards they poured water into my mouth.

Again I dribbled and gasped.

Again I was left panting.

 

They chuckled.

 

-+-

 

Since Hiro had activated Baymax, the nightmares had subsided.

 

Sometimes Tadashi would be in the dream, but he never struck the glass with crimson hands and never told Hiro that

_‘you did this.’_

Instead Tadashi ran into the building, the walls exploded and Hiro was knocked unconscious.

 

As happened in _real life._

Tadashi died in an explosion and Hiro had to learn to deal with it.

 

The end.

 

 

Just the presence of that warm marshmallow with Tadashi’s heart infused within the vinyl was enough for Hiro. At least enough for now.

GoGo, Wasabi, Honey Lemon and Fred were a bizarre bunch, but their singular qualities made life quite entertaining.

And now, now they were going after that man who Hiro believed had caused Tadashi’s death.

Now, they were going to become Super Heroes.

They could be immortals.

-+-

 

It was silent again.

 

I sighed. I needed to use the toilet. The water was great but had adverse effects on the bladder. I had past the point where I could ignore it anymore and I realised that it wasn’t going to go away.

“Please I need to pee, can I just. Are you still there…?”

I didn’t _want_ to talk to him…her (I still couldn’t tell which they were)- but I had no other options.

I was still in shock from the _thing_ but there’s only so long someone can hold it in.

 

I became so engrossed in my thoughts, that when they replied that I almost relaxed my clenched bladder.

“We do but it’s not for your use... Just go where you lay.”

 

 

_Excuse me!?_

I was _not_ going to wet myself. That would be… disgusting. And humiliating.

 

“I’ll hold it.”

 

That  _bloody chuckle..._


	6. I'm suffocating in this darkness

“I can tell you need to go.”

I didn’t respond.

 

I didn’t know how long it had been, but I… I _couldn’t_.

 

Not with them there.

 

 

_I must be strong and hold it in._

 

-+-

 

 

Hiro subtly rocked his feet in and out, his gapped teeth beaming out into the candy-floss sky. Baymax glanced over and copied his movements.

The sky was so _beautiful_ ; the sun streaking through layered fuchsia and salmon clouds that were settled on a lilac breeze. Below him the ocean sighed and lulled next to the playground of San Fransokyo.

When Hiro had been flying with Baymax, he had seen his reflection. It had mirrored the reflection of himself and Tadashi when they had been riding away from the Little Yama bot fight (which was a glorious moment- he still had to admit) He had felt proud that he had achieved something, and that he was riding or flying with a gushing adrenaline.

 

He felt free.

 

Now, sitting atop the world with Baymax, Hiro felt a peace he hadn’t experienced in a long time. He could be a butterfly, sitting on a potentially threatening hand but being allowed to flit its wings noiselessly. Settled there, the world was tender…

 

 

 

  

“You’re emotional state has improved. I can deactivate if you say you are satisfied with your care.”

 

Baymax’s innocent statement smacked his butterfly wings down into the blistering gravel. The world dulled.

_Deactivate?_ The word reminded Hiro of Tadashi, and with that thought came guilt: guilt that Hiro had allowed himself to enjoy himself; to fly, to swoop above the earth while Tadashi was dead. He was having fun while Tadashi was dead.

 

“What?! No, no I don’t want you to deactivate.”

Without Baymax, Hiro couldn’t find the man who had caused Tadashi’s demise.

 

 

He turned his back on the beauty of the candy-flossed sky, preventing himself from enjoying it any further.

 

_What gives me the right to enjoy life? I shouldn’t be feeling happiness. I… I don’t deserve happiness._

 

-+-

 

 

“I know you want release. I know you want to _let go_.”

 

I clenched my jaw. The creep had switched from muted mouse to articulate parrot.

“I’m fine.”

My stomach didn’t agree, it was clutching at itself, wailing for food. Admittedly, they had fed me a minor amount, but nothing like Cass’s food…

 

As if the freak could read my mind he said “If you let your hot piss leak I’ll feed you.”

 

“I’m not hungry.”

“That’s bull shi-“

“I’m not pissing myself! I am not a… a _flipping animal_ ” (It’s not in my nature to swear) “and why am I even here!? I want to be at home with Aunt Cass and be in my room with Hiro where I was happy… and waking up to the smell of fresh rolls and cakes and making Baymax… and I…I... ”

 

I gasped.

 

I hadn’t fully realised I was this wound up, agitated, hungry, headachy, confused and angry until I blurted that. I felt I was suffocating in the darkness.

Tears were stinging at my dark lashes and judging from the wetness at my ears some had slipped from my lashes too.

 

_Well that was smooth Tadashi._ I was heaving now, tired out by the outburst and needing to pee even more.

 

 

They just tutted before chuckling again.

 

~~It shut them up though.~~

 

-+-

 

Wasabi’s large hands gripped tighter around Baymax’s right hand. Fred switched to a ‘superman’ pose whilst Hiro felt secretly epic on Baymax’s back with two very different, but very attractive girls.

“There! Baymax, take us in."

 

-+-

 

 

But I did in the end. And I made a pitiful, _pathetic mewling_ sound when the warm urine leaked onto my groin and inner thigh. The release abandoned me to a bleak feeling of emptiness.

 

 

The urine cooled, making me shiver.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update again... I won't bother you with excuses! 
> 
> I'm thrilled so see more Kudoses! This goes for myself and I'm sure all other fic writers- they are so precious and its great to know that people actually appreciate our time and effort :) One little button click goes a long way!
> 
> Annd I have an editor now! (aka friend haha) so blame her if there are mistakes (love you Cap) *evil laugh*


	7. Red

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey heeeyyyy! A longer chapter for you beautiful kudosing people
> 
> Just to give you a sneak peek into my life (because I know you want it *wink*) I have learnt how to ride a motorbike!! Hopefully I will buy my own one soon- woop woop!!
> 
> Righto, be good children (...as if I can talk...)  
> Take care

“He went in there to save you!”

“That was his mistake.”

 

 

 

 

Blood                                                   

Anger                                                   

Passion                                                

Pain                                                      

Lust                                                       

Love     

                                               

Repeat

 

Death

Out of control

Obsession

Losing grip

Sex

Fake

 

Repeat

 

 

 

He was red-eyed and willing to kill.

Wanted to kill.

 _Almost_ killed.

 

 

 

 

“Hiro.” This isn’t part of the plan.

 

 

_Was Bot--fighting part of the plan?_

_Was us being super heroes ever part of the plan?_

_Was Tadashi’s death ever part of THE plan?_

_The plan is nothing._

 

 

_I’m nothing._

_~~Nothing if I can’t do to the man what he did to YOU.~~ _

__

-+-

 

**_When I found him he was unconscious._ **

****

****

**_“Can you hear me?”_ **

****

-+-

 

 _It_ kept its word.

I could feel a slight shift in the ‘bed’ beneath me, and was then jolted forwards so I was sitting again. My head-rush meant I took a moment to readjust after the abrupt movement but soon the maintained blackness resumed its prior steadfastness.

 

I felt barren; tears dried down my neck making my skin tight, lips fracturing and coppery, skin around my groin crisp and crackling.

 

“Say ‘ah’.”

 

I obeyed.

 

A metallic taste on my lower lip was countered by a warm mushy, rather tasteless texture on the upper as the spoon was pushed into my mouth. It was tipped and the food glooped down onto my tongue.  The spoon was then removed. I pushed the food against the roof of my mouth with my tongue and repeated this until I could swallow.

 

“Good boy.”

 

They practically purred…

“Would you like a drink?”

I could only release a breathy sound before I could feel a bottle rim against my lips, pushing up against my upper lip to tip my head back. This time they poured a little at a time. Repeat. More food. Drink. Repeat.

 

“That’s it… you’re so well behaved.”

 

My head impulsively shook.

“Oh but you are, look at you!”

 

“I… How… how can you see me?”

 

“Shh baby don’t ask that.”

“I’m not- don’t call me that.”

They sighed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Its not I who can’t see Tadashi, it’s you.”

 

-+-

 

“I’m fine.”

_I’m fine I’m fine I’m fine I’m fine I’m fine I’m fine I’m fine I’m fine I’m fine I’m fine I’m fine I’m fine_

Hiro took three steps up the step ladder, reaching the red helmet over the ballooned, ‘circle-line-circle’ face.

“There. Is it working?”

 

Outside the sky was a fogged blue, melancholy and unnerving, like a wasted ice-land. Through the garage opening it misted in, sending an iced glow on the equipment, Baymax, and Hiro’s clenched and frustrated face.

 

Hiro’s hands were out at his side, exasperated by the utter _bad luck_ his life ensured. Baymax’s head swayed slightly from side to side before turning back to the narrowed brown eyes in front of him.

“My sensor is operational.”

“Good.”

 

Hiro’s small fingers jabbed at the access port. It didn’t open.

“What?”

His fingers persisted in his task, tapping the scuffed red circle of Baymax’s heart.

“Are you going to remove my healthcare chip?”

_Ugh baymax why are you thinking?!_

 

“Yes. Open!”

“My purpose is to heal the sick and injured.”

_None of that matters anymore._

 

“Baymax, open your access port.”

“Do you want me to terminate Professor Callaghan?”

_It doesn’t matter…_

“Just open.”

 

Hiro clasped his hands around the edges of the armour, hoisting it off to reveal the pure white beneath.

 “Will terminating professor Callaghan improve your emotional state?”

 _I want to see him dead._ “yes” _Will that bring Tadashi back? Will it really help me?_ , “No… I don’t know!”

 

_Just open it. Don’t think. Don’t think. Don’t think._

_Thinking brings pain and pain makes me lose grip on my life._

“Open your access.”

“Is this what Tadashi wanted?”

Hiro groaned.

“It doesn’t matter.”

Shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up

 

 

“Tadashi programmed me to aid and…”

 

-+-

 

 

But I had asked to have the light turned on. They had implied that it c _ould_ be turned on.

“Wait…”

My body was quivering now. I couldn’t be? Surely?

 

Could I?

“I don’t…”

My eyes were beginning to swim now.

No no no no…. no…

 

“Am I blind?”

“It’s not in my pay cheque-“

“AM I BLIND?!”

 

 

“We’re not sure yet.”

 

…

…

…

Oh

 

-+-

 

 

 

It’s too much. Too much for anyone to handle. Anyone who has lost will understand. To pretend to be _fine_ , to carry on with life, to talk, to walk and laugh.

So you build a wall. A wall of self-control and courage. You place each brick carefully on top of each other with your shaky hands. Then you cement. You smile. You communicate. You say you’re fine. You build. You carry on because life is a f***er and won’t stop for you to dry the tears that congregate on your lashes. But no matter how high you build that wall, drips of grief and fear still weep through the finite cracks in the cement. You gawp at how that could possibly happen- how your time and effort could be compromised. And then when somebody says their _name-_ the sacred word that encompasses their spirit, their soul and their heart- bullets are shot through and before you realise, the room is filling. You look up at the barricade against the suffering you never asked for, with eyes wide and glazing from reality. You pretend the room isn’t filling, you deny the life you’ve been given. The holes grow wider and wider, like a dot to dot fracturing the wall. The ball of life just keeps rolling and rolling, gathering and gathering until it slams into the wall and shatters it.

You thought the wall was indestructible rock- turns out it was only glass. And the glass was already cracking.

The water lurches you off your feet and you flounder, gasping at the surface but knowing deep, deep inside you that you will drown in it. And nobody will ever find you.

 

Hiro’s wall had just been demolished.

“Tadashi’s gone!”

 

He started drowning. Gasping, hands flailing at the surface.

 

“Tadashi’s” His voice broke... “gone.”

 

Baymax reached in to clasp the thin arm of the engulfed and suffocating boy.

“Tadashi is here.”

Baymax caught his arm.

“No. he’s not here.”

Hiro wanted so much to remain in his grip, but attempted anyway to wrench his hand out of the vice.

Baymax took his arm with both of his squishy hands and pulled Hiro’s face out of the water- despite the protests. Hiro instinctively gasped an urgent breath.

“Tadashi is here.”

 

The screen lit, and Hiro could breathe again.

 

**“This is Tadashi Hamada.”**


	8. Daydreaming

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't talk to strangers children. 
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> Its not advisable.
> 
>  
> 
> (Even if they have a pretty motorbike...)
> 
>  
> 
> But serIOUSLY YOU GUYS KUDOSING!!! Ahhhh its so exciting :D
> 
> God Bless <3
> 
>  
> 
> (and this is a really short chapter- but aaahhh life, so i wanted to give u something!)

\----------------------------------------------

I groaned. His smooth, small, _supple_ index finger on his right hand was tracing my left collar bone drowsily, before pausing in the dip below my Adam’s-apple. His shadowed eyes glanced to mine, assessing my reactions as he did his opponents during his bot-fights. His smile showed how he knew I was enchanted by his indulgences. His left hand- which I had since forgotten due to the smoothing right hand- now made its presence known on the sensitive skin under my knee. I startled from the impulsive action; my dazed, overwhelmed eyes looked and sunk into his misted orbs.

His fingers were circling now, and then started trailing up the inside of my thigh.

I gulped.

\----------------------------------------------

 

-+-

“But none of this would have been possible without a few bumps in the road. Those setbacks made us stronger, and set us on the path- to a bright future!”

Glinting, shimmering champaign in hand, dapper pinstriped suit with open neck on an undoubtedly well trimmed body- Alastair Krei’s dream was minutes from fruition.

The crowd cheered.

 

 

But then the disease came.

 

-+-

 

You know when you’re in that stage between being awake and sleep? I was there. I knew something wasn’t right when the gleaming, slicked, ebony hair on the boy above my face began fusing with the raven background. And then more so when the touch inches from my throbbing length diffused to the prior stable air in the room.

 

 

“Who were _you_ thinking of?”

 

 

What?

 

 

 

Then the dream relinquished me to my reality.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Crap.

 

_Crap._

 

 

-+-

 

“Was my daughter a “setback”?”

 

-+-

 

“So, who were you thinking of? You clearly didn’t get to finish…”

Their voice was a murmur.

 

I could feel what they were talking about. My groin was especially sticky and still dripping, my skin ignited from the dream.

“Would you like me to…?”

They’re voice dropped dangerously low. I swore inwardly. The intensity of the voice sent a current to my dick.

 

But it was purely physical.

 

 

 

I was trembling, but not just from the dream and my body’s natural reaction.

 

 

 

 

But because I was _scared_.


	9. Sleepwalking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO!!!
> 
> I wont ramble, not in the greatest of talkative moods...
> 
>  
> 
> You know when you really want someone to message you, but they haven't? And you KNOW you're seriously over thinking the situation (which is my mightiest downfall) ....
> 
>  
> 
> so yeah.
> 
> Enjoy this though :) (i think you might... you messed up human beings!! HAW HAWW)

“Let him go.”

Hiro was small, especially when compared to the buffeted red and purple cased machine on his left, and his vivid friends, behind him on his right. Behind them was the staunch horizon of sapphire sky on sea; while in front was a man ravaged by the cards life dealt him.

“Is this what Abigail would’ve wanted?”

“Abigail is gone!”

 

“This won’t change a thing. _Trust me_ … I know.”

 

-+-

 You’d be scared too.

 

If you were lying naked in a room that you’d never seen.

 

 

Lying naked in a room that you’d never seen with an erection full of images and dreams you were currently too disturbed about to even contemplate.

 

 

 

In a room where there was this person… who _chuckled_ when they made you dribble water down yourself every time they gave you a drink.

 

 

 

 

Who touched your mouth and had taken to smoothing the unkempt beard that hadn’t been shaved since…

 

 

 

 

 

Since you were free.

 

 

 

 

 

 

You would be frightened, if you were now in the most defenceless position you could possibly be.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If you could sense the hand that was inches away from the place that had only ever been touched by your own hand at night (when you were sure your little brother was asleep.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Please…” My voice was tormented. “Don’t.”

“Shhh- pretty boy. You’ll love it.”

 

-+-

 

Hiro’s cased hand grappled onto a convenient metal pole that was still dormant within the tornado of building wreckage that was being inhaled into the portal. His sea-weed body wavered in the rising current, but the adrenaline held his right hand secure on the pole.

 

-+-

The moments before they made contact were anguish.

When they did, I inadvertently whined. A latex finger smoothly ran from my shaggy base up along my length to the head.

 

My body convulsed, attempting to move aside from the intrusion.

 

 

“St-op.”

 

My heart was clobbering my rib cage.

“Please stop.”

 

 

 

 

The finger was joined by a second, curling up consecutively.

 

“Aah baby” They groaned into the words, “you’re loving this…”

-+-

 

GoGo’s radiant yellow suit flashed down the slope. The electro magnetically suspended wheels on her feet rapidly rotated, allowing her to coast and skate nearer Professor Callaghan. The micro-bots like daggers jabbed down at her, before constricting her within an onyx orb.

 

-+-

When they removed their fingers, I was foolish enough to think that they had stopped permanently; they had heard me protest and maybe had taken pity.

 

 

 

But I was wrong.

-+-

 

Fred bounded ardently, chest pumped out with fire. He vocalised his characters sounds with ‘aahs’ and roars. His three eyed creature though was soon crunched into the building and then restrained by micro-bots on his hands, feet and tail, yanking on his limbs.

 

-+-

The hand returned, but this time wrapped around my absurdly hard dick decisively and squeezed slightly.

I groaned, hips rising of their own accord to gain friction.

 

“See, you want it-”

“No- Ahhh don’t… shii--”

 

The hand moved, up and down, up and down. It maintained the pressure.

 

“You want it baby, ooooh” they were beginning to pant “oh you’re a whore Tadashi. Look at your face, you want it.”

“…Ahh no I…”

 

Although I couldn’t see, my eyes were clenched and I earnestly tried to stop the sounds that were escaping my mouth. I bit down on my lip.

 

 

I tasted blood.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It made me squirm.

My hands twisted against the restraints. My toes curled and my knees raised, pulling taut against my ankle restraints.

 

It made me swear.

 

 

_Don’t Tadashi. Don’t cry. Don’t cry._

It made me cry.

 

-+-

 

Wasabi, with his laser-induced plasma hands, was striking the bots with determined blows- shedding them about the roof. All was successful until they hollowed out two pieces of roof panelling. The bots then sandwiched onto Wasabi, compressing him. He turned off his lazers.

 

-+-

I was teetering on the edge of…

 something.

 

They had quickened their hand.

 

 

I despised them for violating me in this way. I despised my body for dipping down onto their latex hand, for groaning and shuddering.

 

 

 

I was so _wet._

Tears that were immersing my eyes, sweat that was consuming my whole body.

And then…

-+-

 

Finally was Honey-Lemon’s attempt. She captured on jab of micro-bot tentacle with a peachy/orange ball and threw a purple one up to the other oncoming arms to blockade their advancements. To no avail. She sheathed herself in a pink ball, but the insistent tentacles shattered through.

 

-+-

I came.

I shrieked when I did, hips wrenching up.

 

 

 

The rest of my body fell stagnant.

An incessant _void_ of brumal nothingness.

 

 

 

 

 

They removed their hand, and for the first time I heard them leave the room. They didn’t say anything.

 

_Probably going to laugh with their friends at how easy I am. How I came willingly into their hands_

 

 

 

Don’t Tadashi. I told myself.

 

 

Don’t.

 

 

 

 

My penis was softening but I was still flushed and perspiring.

 

 

I wanted to curl over. To curl against myself and suppress myself from…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I cried myself to sleep.

-+-

 

_Big Hero 6 were all but defeated._


	10. NOT A REAL CHAPTER!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An explanation for chapter 9 for those confused puppies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so some of you are a bit confused... so I will quickly explain what happened in the last chapter just so you don't get angry at me and leave forever *cries*
> 
>  
> 
> While Big Hero 6 were fighting Prof C (you remember the scene in the film?) Tadashi wakes up from a dirty dream (which was him and his bro getting it on) He is obviously disturbed about this... as you know... they're bros and Hiro is but a babe... and yet he has a serious boner.   
>  The creepy person in the room gives him a hand job.   
>  Tadashi feels awful because obviously he didn't want a hand job.  
>  Tadashi cries himself to sleep.
> 
>  
> 
> Thats literally it.... I wanted there to be parallels between Big Hero 6 having issues (before Hiro tells them to 'look for a new angle') whilst Tadashi is being forced into ejaculation. 
> 
>  
> 
> Does that make sense? I will do a REAL chapter soon 
> 
>  
> 
> (hopefully!)

(TBC.)


	11. Circles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I lied to some of you.
> 
>  
> 
> I said I wouldn't be able to update until after next week (as I am honestly going away to a far of land where there is NO WIFI *cries*) BUT I TOOK PITY ON YOU and punched out a chapter!
> 
> Hope you like, we're going places now people!!
> 
> Bless you aaallll

Hiro’s hands couldn’t hold on.

 

 

 

They let go.

 

 

 

 

 

Hiro yelled out, body exposed and thrashing against the upward current.

 

 

 

 

 

 

With the frenzy of a determined boy whose life depended on this moment, his small hands grasped at a lose length of tubing that was not yet heeding to the glowing azure ring above.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“No!”

 

“He’s too strong!”

 

“There’s no way out!”

 

“You can’t beat him…”

 

“Help… I can’t beat him!”

 

 

 

“Hiro!”

 

 

 

Lose micro-bots speckled upon his face:

 

 

 

_“Hey, I’m not giving up on you.”_

_Tadashi grasped at Hiro’s feet and hooked him upside down over his shoulders. Hiro screamed, back and head limp against the back of his older brother’s legs. His arms hung down, red top rumpled down to his chest._

_“What are you doing?”_

_Tadashi bounded around the room exuberantly, grinning to himself._

_“Shake things up. Use that big brain of yours to think your way out.”_

_Hiro, knowing he couldn’t breakout of his brother grip exclaimed “What?”_

_“Look for a new angle.”_

Lightbulb!

 

-+-

 

I woke. Goodness knows how much time had passed.

 

All fluids had dried. I felt like pastry; crusty and flaking.

 

A desert.

 Barren.

Parched and desolate.

 

 

 

_Completely_ desolate.

 

 

 

 

I groaned when my tongue involuntarily licked my lips.

“Ugh… don’t… don’t think about it…”

 

 

I closed my eyes, they were stinging with staleness after the prior waterfall.

I whimpered. 

 

I would've cried again I think, but an acute howl interrupted me.

 

 

 

 

"H-" I stammered into the question. "Hello?"

 

-+-

 

**_When I found him he was unconscious._ **

****

**_“Can you hear me?”_ **

****

**_The smell was asphyxiating. My hand rose to my mouth, obscuring my gag._ **

****

**_“Please… can you hear me?”_ **

****

****

**_He was lying down._ **

****

**_Body blotchy with grime._ **

**_Clear streaks were like streams down the side of his face._ **

****

****

****

****

****

**_My eyes cautioned at his groin._ **

****

****

****

****

****

****

**_I puked._ **

**_Once. Twice. Thrice._ **

****

**_Four times._ **

****

****

****

****

**_It was inhuman._ **

****

-+-

The four sat smiling at their small circular table in the Lucky Cat Café.

“The whole city of San Fransokyo is asking, ‘who are these heroes?’ and ‘where are they now?’”

Hiro emerged from upstairs cheerfully and after they greeted each other Wasabi ruffled the fluffy coal hair on Hiro’s fresh face. They headed for the door, ‘last hug’, then onto their future.

 

That vacuum that had previously held Cass wounded against her inability to help Hiro had now subsided. She realised that the love she gave him was enough to sustain him through his trials. And with his friends… well… he was a super hero!

 

 

When they arrived, they separated into their separate work places, Hiro into Tadashi's old room.

 

He hung Tadashi’s cap on the lamp then knelt over to the boxes that were stacked.

 

 

 

Baymax’s Fist.

 

 

_Fist bump. “_ Ba la la la la”

 

 

 

 

_Wait… what?_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

-+-

 

“This green chip is what makes Baymax, _Baymax._ ”


	12. Tick tock goes the clock

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey heey heeeyyyyy! I'm back!! Hope you are all well, sending out ma blessings to you all. If you want to get straight to the story then don't bother reading these notes, as it's me just irrelevantly rambling about my holiday!
> 
>  
> 
> Sooooo, I went to a thing called New Wine, which is basically a Christian Festival, with worship and seminars etc. In one of the worship tents there was a guy in the band who was just AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH *cries* He was the nicest thing I've seen a while, and he was adorable and looked shy and was at the back on his bass guitar and just *sigh*. I was kinda obsessed with him for the whole week (he reminded me of Q from Skyfall...) and I thought, on the day before we were leaving, 'I need to talk to him'. He wasn't going to come and talk to me I realised (and mum said the nice guys are the most useless, if you want them u gotta get them yourself!) and I DID!! You know when you're on adrenaline and you kind of storm over then realise your in front of them and are like 'craaapppppppp what do I do now!?!?!?!'---- yeah, well... I was NOT smooth BUT he chatted to me and asked some questions. I didn't get any contact info BUT, the moral of the story is if you are given a God- sent opportunity, GO FOR IT!! You are more powerful and influential than you think. 
> 
> Don't regret not doing something.

 “Is there somebody there…?”

 

The howl was followed by a kerfuffle of what sounded like clothes and aggression. I lay still, attentively breathing and clenching my jaw as the sounds became gradually louder.

 

 

 

 

Closer…

 

 

 

Out of the door: 

“You’re always…” The voice wavered in and out of earshot “-cking up!”  
“It’s not my fault, I can’t…”

 “Leave me alone!!”  
“Oi, don’t talk to your superiors like that! You were given one task… ONE BLOODY TASK and you couldn’t even do that!”  
“I have been doing… …” Something incomprehensible “…repay me?! And I have to sit with him all day…”

More voices. Sounds.

“Well why don’t you just… …” voice was lowered out of earshot… “your pretty boy and be done with it.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The door opened and was crashed shut.

 

 

The human was back in the room.

I knew it was the same person who had always been in here. They had sounded different out side; more… masculine… but the rise and fall of the words was the same.

 

 

 

 

They were angry.

 

They were _seriously_ pissed off.

 

I could hear them sneering and walking dully around. Their breaths were brisk and then the clicking of their fingers brimmed the room.

 

 

 

Slight ruffle, as if hands were being combed through hair.

 

 

Then they stopped.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I was alarmed when ice shivered down the nodules of my back.

 

I could tell they were now staring at me. Or rather, scrutinizing me.

 

 

 

 

Breathing. Breathing. Breathing.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Waiting. Waiting. Waiting.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Oh sh**.

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Ooooh Tadashi this is bad…_

My eyes started welling.

 

 

 

_please no please no please no please no please no please no please no please no please no please no please no please no please no please no please no please no please no_

 

 

But the weight of a _man_ climbing up onto my crippling body and straddling me told of my worst horror fantasy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The constraint of a hand around my neck whilst another hand slipped down my now perspiring and dripping body; reinforced my dread.

 

 

 

I scrunched my eyes shut, lips daggering into my bottom lip. 

My lip bled again.

 

That  _taste_  of blood.

 

 

 

"Don't..."

 

 

"Tadashi..." Fingers moving down. "Don't fight me."

 

 

 

 

 

 

How could I?

 

 

 

 

-+-

 

Hiro began working on recreating Baymax directly. 

 

 

There was hope yet in his life. Hope of a scene past the credits. Hope of a life fighting the battle of good and evil. Making the 'badies' pay their dues.

 

-+-

 

Cry.

Tears.

Protest.

Squirm.

Fear.

Touch.

Snarl.

we all learn

Forcing.

In.

Out.

In.

Out.

Cry.

Scream.

Howl.

Shriek.

Out.

to deal with what life throws at us

Wrench.

Thrust.

Pain.

Gain.

Stop.

Please.

Hurting.

Me.

but sometimes

Stop.

Stop.

Again.

Leaking.

Wet.

Dripping.

Oozing.

Dribbling.

Licking.

Thrusting

life gets the better of us

Pain.

Pain.

Exposed.

Raw.

Nude.

Abandon.

Wanting.

Death.

and we want to die

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He f*cked me until I think I was bleeding.

 

 

I had never had sex before.

 

And my bloody dick leaked and spluttered like a exhausted exhaust pipe, gunky oil spewing down onto my grotesque body.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I.

Ran.

Out.

Of.

Tears.

 

My river had ended, meandering out into the unfathomable ocean that submerged and drowned us.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Nothing mattered anymore.


	13. The Mind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there's a bar that's near where I live which has the HOTTEST humans in there *swoons* Ugh its torture and bliss all at once!
> 
> I wrote this chapter and the next 4 in one day, as I was super motivated, so you might *cough* not have to *cough* wait as long *cough* for an update--- BUUTT I might make you wait just for the sake of it!! 
> 
>  
> 
> (Because I am obViouSly a super villain!!) MWAHHA 
> 
>  
> 
> (Sorry, I really amuse myself xD) As always, anything that needs editing or whatever, just gimme a message and *sings* I'll be theeerreeee... I'LL BE THERREEE! Just call my name, and I'll be there
> 
> God Bless y'all!

1)      Cut out squares and rectangles of paper

2)      Boil a kettle

3)      Pour the boiled water into a teapot with a teabag and/or tea leaves in it

4)      Leave it for a few minutes

5)      Pout the tea onto the paper

6)      Leave to dry. Whilst your tea coloured paper is drying prepare a large piece of cardboard

7)      When dry curl up the corners of the paper cut-outs, trying not to crumble them too much

8)      Begin gluing the pieces onto the cardboard, layering them up and overlapping them

9)      Glue as many of them as you please, until it resembles scaling and flaky barren land

You have now finished the mind. My mind.

 

 

Look at it. See how unsightly and foul it is. Would you like to know someone with a mind like that?

 

I doubt it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He stopped touching me after he raped me.

 

I was too disgusting I suppose.

 

 

 

 

 

There was no more tightening hand on my jaw as he gave me a drink. No more chuckling.

 

 

 

 

 

I suppose I wasn’t as _pretty_ as I had been.

 

 

 

Could I be blamed?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yes, I could be blamed.

-+-

 

**_[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[Crap they’re here!]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]_ **

****

**_[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[How did they find us?!]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]_ **

****

**_[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[They can smell a rat]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]_ **

****

**_[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[from miles away]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]_ **

****

**_[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[Stop whinging]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]_ **

****

**_[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[We need to go]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]_ **

****

**_[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[We need to leave!!]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]_ **

****

 

-+-

“Quickly, while he’s left the room!” Gogo exclaimed, beckoning Hiro over to the entrance of the police station. Hiro nipped out of the small yellow car with the whole crew in and galloped up to the entrance. Baymax’s head was out the top of the car, and his eyes followed Hiro affectionately.

Hiro's wide brown eyes flittered around inside briefly before he exaggeratedly tiptoed over to the desk. He grinned as he placed something down onto the table before bolting to the door at a sound from deeper within the building.

Gogo and Hiro both got back into the car, and feeling chuffed, they all rode away.

 

 

The police officer strolled back into the room, hands slightly damp rubbing against each other. He frowned at first at what was on his desk, then he beamed.

 

 

 

 

It was sellotape wrapped in a pink ribbon (Honey Lemon insisted) with a small card tucked underneath.

 

 

Kids these days weren’t that bad after all.

 

-+-

 

_**When I found him he was unconscious.** _

__

_**“Can you hear me?”** _

__

_**The smell was asphyxiating. My hand rose to my mouth, obscuring my gag.** _

__

_**“Please… can you hear me?”** _

__

__

_**He was lying down.** _

__

_**Body blotchy with grime.** _

_**Clear streaks were like streams down the side of his face.** _

__

__

__

__

__

_**My eyes cautioned at his groin.** _

__

__

__

__

__

__

_**I puked.** _

_**Once. Twice. Thrice.** _

__

_**Four times.** _

__

__

__

__

_**It was inhuman.** _

__

__

__

__

__

__

__

_**I tried to subdue the tears. I honestly tried.** _

__

_**“It won’t help him. You need to remain focused.”  
But I became a blubbering wreck.** _

__

__

_**Just seeing him reduced to this skin painted in muck, seeing urine dried and melded with excrement’s… and… semen…?** _

__

_**He was lying in his own piss, poo and cum.** _

****

****

****

****

****

****

****

****

****

****

****

****

**_I wailed then, legs wavering and shattering me to the floor. Making sounds like a pitiful, anguished fox with its leg seized by a trap._ **

****

****

****

****

****

****

**_“What have they done to you?”_ **

****

-+-

 

 

I was the one who should have protected Hiro.

I was the one who should have helped Cass.

I was the disappointment, the big fat zero.

I was the one who wasn’t as smart.

I was the one who wasn’t as attractive.

I was the one who had a lame heart.

I was the one who should’ve done better.

 

 

I was the one who got a boner when that guy touched me.

I was the one who came when that guy rubbed me.

I was the one who _deserved_ what I was given.

I was the one who should be given every assault.

 

 

 

I was the fault.

_Am_ the fault.

 

-+-

 

Cass flamboyantly swooshed into the room, letter already half crumpled by her enthusiastic grip.

“For you Hiro!”

He glanced up from his blueprints and stretched out a crab like hand, thumb and fingers pincers grabbing at the air.

 

 

His finger slipped along the inside of the flap, then pulled out the letter.

 

 

 

 

Eyes skimmed the writing.

 

 

“YES!! I GOT THE GRANT!!”

 

 

-+-

 

“… and here’s the last one. All safe!” Honey Lemon’s smile was contagious.

 

“How can we ever thank you, you saved all these orphans! Without you, they would be…”

 

“Don’t mention it.” Hiro placed a hand on his shoulder. “It’s what we’re here for. We’re happy to help.”

 

He smiled; a sincere joy across his face.

 

“Oh, how’s the building going?”

 

Hiro grinned.

“It’ll be finished by next June.”

“Fabulous, your brother would be proud.”

 

Hiro nodded.

 

_Yes, I think he would be._


	14. Treasure Map

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I SPOIL YOU GUYS!! TWO CHAPTERS IN ONE EVENING!!
> 
> I was feeling kind at this precise moment, so enjoy it while it last 
> 
>  
> 
> *whispers* (because it wont last... oh no!)
> 
>  
> 
> much love xxxxxxx

**_[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[Crap they’re here!]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]_ **

****

**_[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[How did they find us?!]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]_ **

****

**_[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[They can smell a rat]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]_ **

****

**_[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[from miles away]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]_ **

****

**_[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[Stop whinging]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]_ **

****

**_[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[We need to go]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]_ **

****

**_[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[We need to leave!!]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]_ **

****

**_[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[Put the boy in the back.]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]_ **

****

**_[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[We don’t have time…]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]_ **

****

**_[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[Just leave him here,]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]_ **

****

**_[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[he doesn’t matter anymore.]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]_ **

****

**_[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[But what about the plan?!]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]_ **

****

**_[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[Eff the plan- RUN!]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]_ **

****

-+-

 

Hiro’s sweaty body flopped backwards onto his bed. He smiled into a sigh, warm eyes closing. He settled his breathing and then slowly sat up, stomach tensing momentarily to assist. His eyes blinked sleepily to Tadashi’s half of the room.

 

“You’ve got your own building now bro. You should’ve seen it! It’s a hall, and great things are going to come of it.”

 

A sombre smile melted into his features, but it gave way to a trembling lip.

 

And like almost every night, when Hiro lay alone in his room, the trembling would give way to mournful, solitary sobbing.

“T-Tadashi…

 

I really miss you.”

-+-

 

Blank spaces pooling with light.

I hold my breath, hope to die tonight.

Your face next to mine, you touch my heart.

To die this way I was destined from the start.

 

 

 

I slipped in and out of consciousness.

 

Everything was falling.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

-+-

 

Cass picked up the newspaper from the table in her café. On the front was the heading “Robot stops runaway cable car.” She grinned, eyes welling with pride as she focuses on the heroic image of Baymax leaning back against the cable car.

 

Oh how proud she was.

 

-+-

 

_**When I found him he was unconscious.** _

__

_**“Can you hear me?”** _

__

_**The smell was asphyxiating. My hand rose to my mouth, obscuring my gag.** _

__

_**“Please… can you hear me?”** _

__

__

_**He was lying down.** _

__

_**Body blotchy with grime.** _

_**Clear streaks were like streams down the side of his face.** _

__

__

__

__

__

_**My eyes cautioned at his groin.** _

__

__

__

__

__

__

_**I puked.** _

_**Once. Twice. Thrice.** _

__

_**Four times.** _

__

__

__

__

_**It was inhuman.** _

__

__

__

__

__

__

__

_**I tried to subdue the tears. I honestly tried.** _

__

_**“It won’t help him. You need to remain focused.”  
But I became a blubbering wreck.** _

__

__

_**Just seeing him reduced to this skin painted in muck, seeing urine dried and melded with excrement’s… and… semen…?** _

__

_**He was lying in his own piss, poo and cum.** _

****

****

****

****

****

****

****

****

****

****

****

****

**_I wailed then, legs wavering and shattering me to the floor. Making sounds like a pitiful, anguished fox with its leg seized by a trap._ **

****

****

****

****

****

****

**_“What have they done to you?”_ **

****

****

**_I remained there until someone came in behind me._ **

**_I heard them gasp. Then a hand was on my shoulder._ **

****

**_“We need to get him out of here. They might come back.”_ **

**_I nodded._ **

****

**_Hands tucked under my armpits and hoisted me up. I was then spun round and pulled tight against a radiating body._ **

**_They hugged me._ **

****

-+-

 

“Dad. I just wish I could share my accomplishments with you. You mean so much to me and honestly, I’ve always felt the distance, what with you being on the family island all the time… and I just wish you could see how-”

 

The portrait opened.

 

 

Fred peered, intrigued, into the darkness.

 

 

 

 

Then a silhouette was in the doorway behind him.

 

“Fred. Son.”

“Dad…”

 

(Superhero-esque underwear.)

 

 

“I wear them front. I wear them back-”

 

Fred’s face illuminated. All the years of yearning, of wanting a father to love and listen to him. All the years of suppressing his needs for a role model to complete his existence. All those moments of hoping funneled and pinpointed to  _this_ moment in time. This precious moment.

 

… “I go inside out, I go front and back!!”

 

“Dad!!”

 

“We have a lot to talk about.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay... so... For the observant among you, you'll realise that I have gone through the whole film and the little snippets of life during the credits and the post credit scene. Soooo from here on it's gonna be styled slightly differently, as I LIVE FOR variation and differences.
> 
> I will not update yet (although I could!!) because I WANNA KEEP YOU PEEPS HANGING!! 
> 
> Stick with me though, you'll like the next chapter *hugs all round*


	15. A Story Book

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello there. Come and sit down. Don't worry- these others won't bite you. Sit here, that's right. I'm going to tell you a story. Let me turn to the first page. Okay, are you ready?

*******************************************************************

-+-

 

     Baymax waddled in the room. Hiro glanced up, hands fiddling with a new gadget. “Hey buddy.” No reply. Hiro frowned, eyes rising to remain focused on Baymax. “Buddy- what’s wrong?” Baymax waddled over to his charging station, a slightly duller red than it used to be.   
     His stumpy legs stepped into it. His circle line circle became a flat line. Still no reply. “Baymax?” Hiro stood now, his taller body approaching Baymax. A faint ringing was resounding in the back of Hiro’s head; a warning bell. Baymax didn’t act like this. Hiro placed his hands on Baymax’s shoulders. “…Buddy… What’s bothering you.” Baymax opened his eyes. He blinked twice.   
     Hiro remained where is stood, hands resting fixedly but not aggressively on his shoulders. He was tall enough to do that comfortably now. Baymax seemed to be hesitating with something. Unsure what his protocol is for this situation. “Baymax.” Hiro spoke with his eyes earnestly observing Baymax’s. His lens shifted slightly. “You can tell me.”  
“My sensor has detected signs of life. With the new update I can scan a wider perimeter now…”  
Hiro smiled. “Buddy, there are many more people beyond your perimeter. Don’t worry about it.” He turned round and sat back at his desk, hands resuming to their prior task.  
“Hiro, the life source belongs to...”  Hesitation. Hiro rolled his eyes.   
“Baymax please, I need to finished this before the ceremony on Sat-”

 “Tadashi’s.”

 _Hiro’s body was catapulted over the edge of a window pane, suspending him in a fish bowl lined with paper cut outs of Tadashi’s name. His arms were bound at the wrists and he hung there, in limbo at what he had just heard.  
_ He swivelled in his chair to face Baymax, mouth ajar, eyes narrowed. His eyes were flitting like a bulb that is about to go out. “W-what? What did you say?” He gulped, hands beginning to tremble.  
_The bowl began filling with confetti. The confetti read ‘Tadashi’._

“I have found signs of life. Tadashi’s life.”

_Tadashi’s alive._

“I don’t- I…” No words. Hiro closed his mouth, but remained static- eyes on Baymax’s. He wasn’t lying. Baymax didn’t do that. But… Tadashi has been gone for… the fire…

 _What about the fire? I don’t understand… He had died in the fire. I’m still in mourning. Baymax. Big Hero 6… Where has he been all this time? But the fire, he died. Callaghan? Tadashi? Tadashi. Tadashi. Tadashi. Tadashi. Tadashi. Tadashi. Tadashi. Tadashi. Tadashi. Tadashi. Tadashi. Tadashi. Tadashi. Tadashi. Tadashi. Tadashi. Tadashi. Tadashi. Tadashi. Tadashi. Tadashi. Tadashi. Tadashi. Tadashi. Tadashi._ “-Hiro?-” _Tadashi. Tadashi. Tadashi. Tadashi. Tadashi. Tadashi. Tadashi. Tadashi. Tadashi. Tadashi. Tadashi. Tadashi._ “Hiro? Hiro you are bleeding.” _Tadashi. Tadashi. Tadashi. Tadashi. Tadashi. Tadashi. Tadashi. Tadashi. Tadashi. Tadashi. Tadashi. Tadashi. Tadashi. Tadashi. Tadashi. Tadashi._ “Hiro?!”

  
Hiro looked up, confused.   
“Hiro, you are bleeding.”

Hiro looked down, then tasted the coppery blood in his mouth. He pulled his finger out of his mouth. He had chewed it with such emotion that he had sunk his teeth through his skin.   
“I have contacted your friends… Hiro?”

…

…

…

“Huh?” Hiro glanced up again, _sinking under Tadashi’s name._

 

*Half an hour later*

 

Gogo was the first one to speak. Hiro, Cass, Honey Lemon, Wasabi and Fred were all dumbfounded. They were all around the table in Cass and Hiro’s house. The café was closed.   
     Baymax had just told them everything he had found. Tadashi was three miles out of the perimeter he had scanned before. _Three miles._ He had scanned everybody he could, and detected Tadashi. But his life signs were very, v _ery_ weak. Like a candle in a gaping mouth of a storm he would soon blow out. He would be dead within a few days. He was in a previously presumed disused building to the East of San Fransokyo. The building was known as _Melantha_. Honey Lemon had whipped out her phone and had googled the building. There were reports of squatting there, but nothing else.   
“We need to get him.” Silence. Gogo looked around her. Nobody moved. Her eyes lingered on Hiro.   
     He hadn’t said a word since any of them were there. He had just sat at the end of the table, tears rolling mutely down his face. “Hiro-” She spoke so quietly. Hiros eyes rose to hers. “Let’s get your brother back.” Gogo could see the disorientation and agony battling the indescribable joy of knowing his brother was alive. It was too much. He broke down, face burrowing into his folded arms on the table, body shuddering as tears of compounded and perplexed emotions overwhelmed him.  
     Cass, who was sitting next to him put her arm around him, tucked him under her chin to her chest. The others watched, too bewildered to know what to do. Gogo nodded, knowing she must rally the others. “Common guys.” She stood. Honey Lemon, Fred and Wasabi followed suit. They left the room, staggering down to the café area.

“We can still save him.”  
She turned to the others. Their eyes blatantly adjusted, each forcing themselves to focus on Gogo.

  
“Big Hero 6, lets bring Tadashi home.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooooooooo what did you think?? Hope you guys liked it! Lemme knowww
> 
> God Bless <3


	16. A Door

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly wanted to make you guys wait longer... BUT I COULDN'T DO IT!! Ugh damn my kind nature... *laughs hysterically*
> 
> So yeah... here you go!
> 
> (It's not very long so I'm not THATT kind... haw haw)

“Did you hear that?” The man sniffed. There was something wrong. More clatterings and voices echoed through the door. He sat upright, eyes latching onto the door. Tadashi was unconscious in front of him. His pulse was so slow now. He wouldn’t take food anymore. It was a shame really, he used to have such a pleasant face. The man started towards the door, turned the handle, and inch by inch leaned forward so his eyes were scanning down the corridor. Voices were sounding. He left the room fully, and began jogging to the commotion.

“Crap they’re here!”

He went into the room, frowning around at the men. The control room was full. Their boss had gone on vacation and left them shepherd-less.

His eyes then scanned the CCTV screens they had installed.

6 figures were on the screen.

_Uh oh._

 

The other men continued talking.

“How-how did they find us?”  
 “They can smell a rat from miles away.”  
“But we’re out of their perimeter!”   
“Not so smart after all are ya?”   
“Oh ladies stop whinging, lets get out of here. We need to go.”

His eyes remained on the figures. They were in the building now. Panic began sifting through the men.

  
“We -need to leave!”

“No sh-”

“Oh shut up, put the boy in the back of the truck, lets move.”

The figures on the screens began splitting up. Some were heading towards them. The man shook his head more adamantly.

 

He finally spoke up, voice louder than the others.  
“We don’t have time.”

The others stopped, baffled eyes turning to him.

“What?”

He spoke again.   
“Just leave him here, he doesn’t matter anymore.”

A different man interjected.  
“But what about the plan? What will boss say??”

“That kid is dead weight anyway-”

“But…!”

His shaking finger pointed to the screen. A large red figure and a smaller purple figure were standing at a door on the end of a corridor. The door led to this control room.

“Eff the plan- RUN!”

 

*minutes later*

 

 

Before Hiro could tell Baymax to kick the door in, Baymax blasted through into the room. Hiro ran in after him, eyes agitatedly scouring the whole room. A door on the far end was swinging open.   
“Check this room. I’ll follow them.” Baymax nodded, tottering to the screens. He could see Wasabi, Fred, Gogo and Honey Lemon on them, in various rooms. They were crouching, rolling, walking. Checking, seeking. Praying to find yet petrified at _what_ they might find.

Hiro jogged out of the door. It led to a garage. The garage door was open.

No skid marks. No sign of where the vehicle, _where the people_ went.

 

Sighing he went back inside. Baymax was fixated on a screen.  
“What you found buddy.”

Hiro slightly budged Baymax to the left, so he could see.

 

There was a room, bleached white.

 It was empty besides a bed like structure in the middle.

 

Hiro bolted to the door, body slamming into walls as he skidded around the corners of desperate corridors. He passed Wadsabi, who shrieked as he hurtled past.

 

 

On the screen he had seen a body lying on the table.

Tadashi’s.

 


	17. Bloodied Diamond

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heeeyyyy people :D Thrilled you're all still here, and more are joining the band wagon which is exciting! 
> 
> I don't actually know how long this story will continue, but there is a lot more that I want to do so stick with me if you want to. If you don't then I'd recommend this being the last chapter as it is an end of an era. (Not that I want any of you to leave, I'm just being considerate!!)
> 
> Hope you are all keeping healthy, getting your five-a-day, hydration intake (not including vodka- sadly!!) Vitamin D (not from a pill box, as in, the sun) annnnndddddddd smiling daily. You never know how powerful a smile can be.
> 
> Ok, mini story time (sorry...) one day I was in a baaaddd mood and grumpily trudging to school, giving evils to ever breathing thing. This random chap just smiled at me, not a creepy perv smile but just a smile. That one smile then put me in a good mood- emotions are weird and powerful things. If you force yourself to smile it does kind-of make you happy.
> 
> Try it... God Bless x

 

_When I found him he was unconscious._

_I had never walked so slowly in my life. From sprinting to get to him, I had slowed as the door came into view. I had never been so scared. What if he was dead? What if he was deformed, maimed, brain dead. What if his memory had been wiped and he would never remember me?_

_What if…what if…_

_I opened the door. I could hear footsteps down the corridor, Baymax, my friends approaching. My eyes cautioned into the room. The walls were pure. The floor was pure…_

_Bloody hell._

_And there he was. Tadashi. My dead brother._ _My brother._

_The floor around the bed- table (?) where he was lying was_ _not_ _white. I gulped, body falteringly as I entering the room._

_“T…” I couldn’t say it. “Tada-”_

_Keep it together Hiro._

_“Can you hear me?”_

_I moved fully into the room. He was about 6 metres away from where I stood. Heedlessly I took a deep breath._ _Bad idea._ _The smell was asphyxiating. My hand rose to my mouth, obscuring my gag._

_“Please… can you hear me?” I spoke through my hands. I daren’t move. I was frightened of my own brother. My own brother._ H _e was lying down. He must be alive..._ _Right there._

_“Okay Hiro.” I mumbled to myself. The others were outside now, I could sense them behind me. I moved forward, but they didn’t._

_One step._

_Two step. Further to Tadashi. Tadashi. Tadashi. Tadashi. Tadashi. Tadashi. Tadashi. Tadashi. Tadashi._

_Four._

_Then I scurried hysterically forward until I was standing at his side._

_By heart was battering through my chest._

_My entire self was shuddering._

_I looked at him. At Tadashi:_

_Body blotchy with grime,_

_clear streaks were like streams down the side of his face,_

course bleeding lips open slightly,

speckled blood around his mouth,

eyes closed,

chest rising and falling fractionally. He’s alive.

 

Alive

Alive

Alive

 

 

 

 

 

 

My eyes moved down.

 

I didn’t want to.

 

But…

_My eyes cautioned at his groin._

_My body convulsed at the image._

_Turning away I puked._

_Once. Twice. Thrice._

_Four times._

 

 

_It was inhuman._

_I tried to subdue the tears. I honestly tried._

_It won’t help him. You need to remain focused._ _  
But I became a blubbering wreck._

_My mind was glinting with images of what they must have done to him._

 

 

 

 

I wailed then, legs wavering and shattering me to the floor. Making sounds like a pitiful, anguished fox with its leg seized by a trap.

 

 

 

“ ** _What have they done to you Tadashi_**?!”

 

 

I remained there until someone came in behind me.

 

 

I must’ve screamed out loud.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I heard them gasp. Then a hand was on my shoulder.

“We need to get him out of here. They might come back.”

 

It was Gogo.

I nodded.

 

Her hands tucked under my armpits and hoisted me up. I was then spun round and pulled tight against her radiating body.

She hugged me tight.

 

 

 

 

Baymax came in then, unhesitant in his actions.

 

He told Honey Lemon to remove his red armour, and with his squidgy marshmallow arms he lifted his creator. He then walked decisively to Fred’s family helicopter outside, seating himself with Tadashi still in his arms.

 

We all followed him, silent again.

 

 

 

 

Heathcliffe flew us to the hospital.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There were only a few doctors and nurses who had the stomach to help him. The others were either sick or passed out.

 

No one had ever seen anything like it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

But he was alive. _My_ Tadashi was alive.


	18. Bring the Sun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so this is kind of a disclaimer I suppose- I want to put this out here just so you know where I am at the moment. 
> 
> I am not knowledgeable on the human body, and don't know how long it would take for Tadashi to heal from malnutrition and dehydration, what the mental effects of rape would ACTUALLY do to him etc etc. I will try to make the following chapters as realistic as I can, but if its way off reality do say- but no promises I will be able to meet your standards (although I will try. I guess I'm asking you all to be my editors for the chapters to come!) Does this make sense? (I don't usually make sense!!) 
> 
> To be honest I will focus more on the relationship between Hiro and 'Dashi, so throughout just remember what he's been through I guess.
> 
> Thank you!

Falling Falling

Falling

**Falling Falling**

Falling

Falling

Falling Falling Falling Falling

 

Falling Falling Falling

Falling Falling

**Falling**

Falling Falling Falling _Tadashi?_ Falling Falling Falling Falling Falling Falling Falling Falling Falling Falling Falling Falling Falling Falling Falling Falling Falling Falling _Tadashi can you hear me?_ Falling Falling Falling Falling

 

Falling Falling Falling

**Falling Falling**

Falling Falling Falling Falling Falling _We’re losing him_ Falling Falling Falling Falling Falling Falling Falling Falling Falling

Falling Falling Falling Falling _No Tadashi stay with me… please stay with me…_

_Don’t…_ Falling Falling Falling Falling Falling Falling Falling _Leave_ Falling Falling Falling Falling Falling Falling Falling Falling Falling Falling Falling **_Me_ Falling ** Falling Falling Falling

 

Falling Falling Falling

Falling Falling **Falling Falling** Falling Falling Falling Falling Falling Falling

Falling Falling Falling Falling Falling Falling Falling

 

**_Without you_ **

-+-

 

“Any change?” Hiro shook his head.

Honey Lemon sighed, looking back down to the off white tiled floor. She, Fred, Gogo and Wasabi were all sitting on green, shabby chairs along an uncanny corridor. It was like a gothic photo, one could imagine a hazy, almost imperceptible figure to be stood at the end. A ghost perhaps.

Tadashi’s state hadn’t changed. He hadn’t woken.

But his heart was beating.

 

-+-

 

Tick

Tock

Tick

Tock

Time

Time

Time

Time

Stay alive

Die

Die

Tock

Tick

Tick

Tock

Stay here

Touch here

Live here

Love here

Love me

Tock

Tick

Sun streaks

Painting in

Night time

Dark

Dark

Dark

_Tadashi?_

Tick

Tock

Turns

The

Clock

_Please wake up_

Something

Reach out

Grasp it

Hold

Onto

Me

_Tadashi_

Listen

_I love_

Love

Love

What?

Darkness

No

Wait

_You_

You love me?

 

 

_Stay with me Tadashi. Hang on._

Tick tock

Goes the clock

 

 

You love me?

-+-

 

You know when someone has their eyes closed and you can see their eye balls moving underneath? It’s weird isn’t it? Close your eyes, go on, then place your finger gently on top and roll your eyes around. Haha it’s freaky right!

Well, I could see Tadashi’s moving.

 

I had waited for this moment. It felt like my _whole_ life had been pieces shifting into place, to be sitting here… alone… with Tadash.

 

 

 

 

 

 

And I saw the last piece, the last movement zigzag through his eyes. It settled there.

 

 

 

 

 

They opened.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Tadashi’s eyes opened._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (By the time I finished writing this the word 'falling' looked like it was spelled really wrong!)


	19. Feather

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I listened to "Circle of Life" by Adrian Von Ziegler when I wrote this chapter.

He was smiling at me.

 

    That same smile, those same twinned teeth with the division in the centre, those same cocoa eyes vast against his creamy face. Those dense eyelashes, that onyx hair- ruffled and fluffy across the forehead. The same buttoned nose, although more defined now. The chin and jaw line more constructed and defined too, yet his youthful warmth remained.

   But something was different. Something had _shifted_. The smile I noticed didn’t encompass his eyes- they were mournful. As if he was about to cry. His face was dusky; shadows coloured with grey charcoal around his eyes and dimming his cheekbones.

 

“T-”

He couldn’t. Couldn’t say my name.

 

 

“Hiro…” My voice: reticent, hushed. My mind ruminating at the sight of my brother.   
~~Not at what had happened. Not that I could see now. Not at my dream (that would all come later.)~~

 

But at _Hiro_ _._ The boy (is he still a boy…?) with treasured tears trickling down his cheeks as he looked at me. The boy who steadily lost control over his emotions, a tremor seeping over his lower lip and chin. A boy whose voice quavered “Tadashi!” while he released himself from his control, leant forward against me, head on my chest and trembling hands clinching onto my clothes. I might disappear from him again you see. I could feel his tears moistening my chest where he wept.

“I thought-”

“Shhh.” My hands were smoothing through his hair. “I know… I know… It’s all over now.”  


He didn’t try to talk for a while. He just lay there, contented and gratified against my faintly rising and falling chest. My heart I suppose.

 

I didn’t think I would see him again. I had relinquished and shunned hope. It was too harrowing to believe in something so ungraspable and improbable. Turns out they had thought me dead. I suppose, looking back on it- I _was_ dead.

 

“Tadashi?”   
I spotlighted my attention on Hiro.  
“Yes.”  
“I love you.” His tears hadn’t stopped, but his trembling had.

“I love you too.”


	20. Back Before

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a diddy chapter- hope you like :)
> 
> x

It was like a daydream.

  
A beaming coral reef of bliss and brightness.   
Every breath was a pearl exquisitely captured from within the feeblest of clams. Brilliant and handsome as a mermaids mystifying and beguiling form, of her opulent lushly hued tail and silk hair.

Each shelf, object, ornament that Tadashi’s hand touched was the most splendid trinket and jewel. Bubbles simmered from the crevices within the treasure chests of every room. Everything blazed and saluted him. All was transparent like the crystals of a restful ocean.

Charming and honest.

 

 

His eyes were illuminated with his love for this place.

Of home

 

 

He was home.


	21. Baymax

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know when you don't want to let somebody down but you're in a situation where you have to or else it'll cause friction between other people. Yeah, it's a fun place to be :/
> 
> This is a happy chapter. To be honest it's not very interesting and I'm not sure I like it but I don't know what else to do with it. Following chapters will hopefully be more interesting. But here you go anyway!

“Baymax!”  
Tadashi’s face was a sunflower in that moment.

 

 

_“Tadashi Hamada- and this is the 84 th test.” Tadashi’s head was peering around his director’s board. His dubious hand was curled around his neck and his anticipative eyes peeked up to the robot. _

_“What do you say big guy?” He straightened up, dropping his arm._

_Ever the hopefully man._

_Click, wait._

_“Hello. I am Baymax, your personal health care companion.”_

_Long awaited ecstasy fire bolted around his limbs.  
“It worked! This is amazing, you… YOU WORK!!” He kissed the lens. “I knew it!” As Tadashi continued speaking his pitch rose with elation” I knew it I knew it I knEW IT!!_

_Ah- you work. I can’t believe it, I can’t. Okay-” Focus on his purpose Tadashi. “Scan me.”_

_“Your neuro-transmitter levels are elated. This indicates that you are happy.”_

_YYAAAAASSSSSS!!!!!_

_“I am! I really am. Ah man, you wait till my brother sees you. You’re gonna help so many people buddy.” His voice lowered. “So many... That’s all for now,_

_I am satisfied with my care.”_

 

 

 

 

 

Baymax. The walking, talking marshmallow, the compassionate cloud, the _dream come true_. The living hope for a better future. Here. _Right here._

“Hello Tadashi.” Baymax hadn’t been to the hospital while Tadashi was there, Hiro wanted to keep him as a surprise for home. Tadashi had seen everybody else, so besides Mochi, there were no further surprises (well, besides explaining to Tadashi that he was now a superhero- but that would come later!)

“Baymax.” He fell forward against Baymax, overcome. Tadashi nestled himself within his squishiness. Homey arms were around his back.

 

“Your state has much improved.”  
Tadashi pulled back, his reflection visible in Baymax’s eye lens.

“It’s being back here. With you and Hiro.”

 

Baymax’s eyes smiled. “Hiro’s state is much improved too. For seeing you again.”

“Thanks buddy.”

 

 

_Extraordinary joy._


	22. Rewind

_You would be frightened, if you were now in the most defenceless position you could possibly be. If you could sense the hand that was inches away from the place that had only ever been touched by your own hand at night (when you were sure your little brother was asleep.)_  
_“Please…” My voice was tormented. “Don’t.”_  
_“Shhh- pretty boy. You’ll love it.”_

Panicking at the sounds and movements Tadashi was making in his sleep, Hiro scuttled to Cass’s room. He hollered into the darkness, a tremor meandering through his limbs. Bleary eyed she emerged, but directly became unnerved by the shrill sounds whirling to their ears.  
   Hiro gaped at Cass, visually at a loss.  
   “Stay here.”

 

 _The moments before they made contact were anguish._  
_When they did, I inadvertently whined. A latex finger smoothly ran from my shaggy base up along my length to the head._  
_My body convulsed, attempting to move aside from the intrusion._  
_“St-op.”_  
_My heart was clobbering my rib cage._  
_“Please stop.”_

 

Cass boldly entered their room, seemingly dauntless. Inwardly though she was petrified.  
She turned on the light.  
She approached Tadashi.

He was squirming on the sheets, the covers draping onto the floor, slicked chest exposed and flaming despite the coolness of the room. His flimsy boxer shorts were strained against his arousal which was already weeping.

What disheartened and grieved her though was the fact that he was _sobbing_.  
Whatever was being done to him was not something he agreed to.

 

“Tadashi?” She willed her affrighted self to do something. _Common Cass. Your nephew is being abused. Do something!_

She went to his side, firmly tapping the side of his face. “Tadashi! Wake up. Please Tadashi!” She took a hold of his shoulders and jolted them, but this only enhanced his anguish.

  
   Hiro had snailed into the room by now, and was mortified at the sight before him. He started crying, and eventually shouting to Tadashi. His blusters were all useless besides the last one.

 _I was teetering on the edge of…_  
something.  
They had quickened their hand.  
I despised them for violating me in this way. I despised my body for dripping down onto their latex hand, for groaning and shuddering.  
I was so  _wet._  
_Tears that were immersing my eyes, sweat that was consuming my whole body._  
_And then-_

Hiro’s last howl to his brother- ~~from where he stood almost crippling at the bottom of Tadashi’s bed~~ \- woke him.

 

 

 

Tadashi lay still, stupefied to _not really_ be where he was only moments ago. He could feel his erection- so close to coming, feel the wetness, the sweat.

 

 

_W- what…?_

 

A voice.

 

 

“Tadashi?” He turned to his side. Cass. “Tadashi it was a nightmare.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

  
His erection softened.

 

 

_Nightmare? Was it really all a dream?_

 

He sat up, plainly failing to process the situation.  
_It was real. He was just here…_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

An iced zip-wire darted through Tadashi's limbs. He shivered.   
"Oh your cover." Cass tugged the cover up, she held onto it until he lay back down again.She bent over, hovering above his body. He seemed to look  _through her_. 

 

She kissed his forehead, tucking him into the cover.

He didn't move.

 

 

 

Shakily and hesitantly she left the room, murmuring a "stay with him" to Hiro.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hiro remained there for a moment. His eyes studied across Tadashi's body.  _What can I do for him? What can I honestly do that would help?_ _  
_

 

 

 

 

 

 A whisper

"I'm not giving up on you."

 

 

 

 

Costive, Hiro moved towards the bed. Tadashi was flat on his back, full eyes rigid on the ceiling. His tremulous hands had moved to his neck, the material of his duvet kept up within his fingers.

 

 

Hiro perched next to him on the bed. His hand shyly met Tadashi's forehead, stroking the soaked fringe back out of his eyes. Tadashi winced, eyes zapping to Hiro.

 

 

 

His eyes were like ammunition.   
Hiro's hand retreated, body shrinking away.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Afraid of being shot. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hiro stood fully, slinking back further. As he did though, Tadashi's face altered. The gun was dropped.  _White flag._    
“I’m sorry I let you down Tadashi..." Hiro started, eyes assessing, mind whizzing. Tadashi's eyes closed and his bottom lip was sucked into his mouth and chewed on.

 

"I will never let anybody hurt you again.” Hiro sat, knowing he must do what he could. His hands burrowed down and around Tadashi's frame, pulling him up into a hug.

Hiro felt Tadashi’s head nod, then his hands worming out of the duvet to envelop around Hiro’s back, tugging himself closer onto Hiro’s chest.

 

 

 

Tadashi could feel Hiro’s heartbeat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know if you are still enjoying this (if you've made it this far then I'm presuming you are!) I'm still open to suggestions and the usual spelling and grammar mistakes :)
> 
>  
> 
> Oooh, while I'm here I might as well do a bit of advertisement (haw haw!) I've just started a series called "Top Hats and Tea Cups" around and about the Mad Hatter and various other characters, predominantly from Tim Burton's "Alice in Wonderland". (I'm a sucker for the Mad Hatter, for my 18th's Birthday I had a Mad Hatter's tea party- in which I was the Hatter!! Yaaayyy) So yeah, check it out if you like the sound, if not there's not much I can do to harm you (unless I hire my personal assassin but I probably wont...) so carry on you merry (or not) way 
> 
> Toodle pip!! *waves hysterically*


	23. Pause

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello :) How is everyone? You're reading fanfiction which is either really good or reaallyyy bad!! (But we'll pretend its the former)
> 
> Just to let you know, I start uni soon (crazzyyy!!) so might not be updating as regularly or whatever- but I have NOT FORGOTTEN YOU! I will continue this until I am satisfied with the ending. Keep me posted (mistakes, ideas blah blah) 
> 
> Take care  
> God Bless xxxxxxxx

Tadashi didn’t go back to sleep after what happened last night. Hiro stayed with him on his bed, falling asleep rapidly in the warmth of his brother.

 

Tadashi lay there, eyes damp and wide. When the yellowy sun began smearing through the window- spraying light onto the hollows of Hiro’s face- Tadashi stood. He stood discreetly, not intending on waking Hiro. He went into the bathroom, to the mirror.

 

He hadn’t properly studied himself since he got back. The man in the mirror was a foreigner. An unknown, an _intruder_.

 

Bearded. Overgrown. _Emaciated_. Sunken. Melancholy. Bewildered. Sniffing. _Crying_.

 

 

 

 

_Useless useless useless useless useless useless useless useless useless useless useless useless useless useless useless useless useless useless useless useless useless useless useless useless useless useless_ “Tadashi?” _useless useless useless useless useless useless useless useless useless useless_ “Hey don’t cry.” _useless useless useless useless useless useless_ Arms around his waist, face pressed into his back. _Useless-_

“Tadashi we’ll get you back to normal. None of this will have happened. You’ll see.”

 

 

 

  
But some things can’t be undone.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tadashi scoffed a laugh into his tears. “Unbelievable.” He felt a smile in his back.   
Hiro replied “unbelievable that I have you back…”

 

Tadashi turned around. Hiro, still partially shorter than him (but no far off) smiled.   
“Shower and then we’ll find you. We’ll find who you used to be.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_I don’t think you can have him back Hiro._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So Tadashi showered. Showered. Bathed. Showered again. Yearning to feel _clean_. He didn’t succeed fully but felt more replenished. Hiro then came in. He started trimming and shaving his hair. Back to how he used to have it. Short and choppy layered ebony around the back and the longer top pulled forward across his forehead. “There.” Tadashi fixated on Hiro’s face in the mirror. Concentrating. _The same concentrating face._ Hiro rose his lashes and caught Tadashi’s eye. Tadashi blushed, looking away. Gulping, Hiro finished his hair. Then he faced Tadashi to him and took a hold of some clippers. Before he began clipping Tadashi’s beard he placed an assuring hand on his cheek. _You’ll be okay bro._ He clipped his beard then shaved it off fully. Hiro grinned.

Tadashi turned back to the mirror.

 

_Wow_. Tadashi felt his chin, ran a hand across the back of his head. _Wow!_

He tested a smile.

“There he his!” Hiro beamed. If anyone didn’t know, they’d think these past events were only dreams and fantasies by how _Tadashi-_ likeTadashi now looked.   
        He laughed.   
“You finally did something useful with that _big brain_ of yours.” He ruffled Hiro’s dishevelled inky mane.   
“Hey!” Hiro snapped, but it held no venom. “Oh!! I need to show you something- common!” Hiro grasped Tadashi’s hand, and yanked him down into the garage.

 

 

 

“Hiro, what are you doing?”

 

 

 

And there in the middle of the room was a suit. A red suit slightly resembling Iron Man’s.   
“Oh man!”

Hiro was bobbing where he stood with enthusiasm. Bottom lip bitten down, he looked from Tadashi to Baymax’s suit then back again. He wanted Tadashi to be proud.   
Squishy sounds alerted the brothers to Baymax, who was emerging like a glowing pearly angel from the doorway. He waddled to Tadashi- who was still gawping at the suit.

 

“Flying makes me a better healthcare companion.”

 

Mouth still ajar, Tadashi’s head turned to Hiro’s in a dramatically tardy pace. “You what? You’re kidding, right?”

Hiro shook his head.   
Tadashi nodded, pouting, as if his healthcare robot now being able to fly was a _totally normal_ thing.

 

 “Right. Right. Well done bonehead. That’s… _awesome_.”  
“Well, if you think _that’s_ awesome, wait until you see the other’s suits.” _That cocky little-_ “You wanted to help a lot of people. And that’s what we’ve done.”  
“What _are_ you talking about?”

 

“Common, I’ll show you.”


	24. Child's Play

“Hiro-”  Cass put her hand on Hiro’s less bony shoulder and gave a dinky smile. Hiro, who was in the middle of a circuitous description of what Big Hero 6 had achieved, halted. His eyebrows met and creased in the middle, slightly above his puzzled brown eyes.

  
“What?” Cass cocked her head towards Tadashi. “ _Oh.”_

 

Hiro had become so animated and eager to explain everything to Tadashi, that he had ended up forgetting _about_ Tadashi. Forgetting that this might be too much for him to process.

He looked spacey, eyes hoverflies, flickering and drifting over random objects in the room; like he hadn’t been listening for a while. He was sitting on a pop up chair on the other side of the garage, where he had been seated for hours now. Hands in his lap, mouth closed.

 

“Tadashi?” Nope. “Hey bro?” Hiro tapped him. His eyes bounced up, but they were still glazed. “Shall we grab some food?” Hiro looked to Cass for approval.

“I’ll be in the café.”

  
Tadashi nodded, the lightbulb flickering on within his eyes.   
“Yeah lets.”  
“Awesome.”   
“What were you just saying… I zoned out?” Tadashi chuckled, but it was dull beneath.   
“Ah- nothing interesting.”

 

 

The brothers wandered through to the café. The TV was on, as it always was, and there was the usual purr of happy humans ordering their drinks, treats and chatting to friends. Hiro and Tadashi went to the counter, arms raised to rest on the side. Cass stepped over to them.

  
“And what would you guys like?” Tadashi shrugged, and Hiro was busy eyeing up the sugary treats.   
“Mmm… I’ll have a cinnamon roll please… annnd…” Hiro pulled an innocent face. Cass knew that face.   
“I don’t have any gummy bears!”  
“But!”  
“You ate the last packet yesterday.” Hiro puffed. Tadashi watched him, a smile dancing on his face. Hiro turned to him, puffing out another dramatic and exasperated breath.   
“Can’t get the staff these days.”

“Ow!” Cass, quick to hear Hiro’s little side comment gave him an abrupt but harmless blow to his layered hair. “Child abuse!”

“I heard a sound of distress- what seems to be the trouble?” Baymax, obviously alerted by Hiro’s minor outburst had waddled into the café. The three turned to each other and laughed.  
“Unbelievable, you disturbed Baymax, you knucklehead!”  Tadashi swung his arm around Hiro’s neck and pulled him into a headlock.   
“Aaah let me goooo!” Hiro flimsily hit at Tadashi’s hands and attempted to pull away, but he was laughing so hard by this point that in the end he just flopped. Tadashi and Cass were still amused by the situation, so Hiro was held there until a plate of various buns and rolls were presented to them.   
“Can I be free now?”   
“Only if you say please.”

“Fiiine! Pleaaaseee.” Tadashi released Hiro, smirking as Hiro _ever the drama queen_ rubbed his neck and pouted.   
“That huurrt.”  
“No it didn’t.”   
“Did too! But common, lets go back upstairs and play Pokemon or something. Thanks Aunt Cass!”  
“Yeah, thank you!” Tadashi echoed, waving to Cass as they wandered, sugar lipped, up to their room.

 

 

As soon as they entered the bedroom, Hiro put the plate on his bed and plunged onto Tadashi’s back, legs clasping around his waist and hands gripping his neck in a Hiro-style headlock.   
“Aagghhh Hiroo!”   
“It hurts doesn’t it!” Hiro said, like a barnacle onto Tadashi as he floundered around the room, laughing.   
“Hiro get off me!” But Hiro didn’t let up.   
“Say your sorry!!” He laughed. “Say it!!”   
“No get off you-”

 

 

And it’s all child’s play until you realise that it’s an adult’s game now. Until the rules have irreversibly changed. Until Hiro’s foot slipped slightly and pushed against Tadashi’s groin. Until Tadashi became alarmed and started panicking.

 

 

  
“No, get off me Hiro.” Hiro didn’t notice the change in his tone though. Didn’t realise the game had changed.   
“No, say you’re sorry.”

 

And Tadashi _really_ panicked now, nails digging into Hiro’s arms at his neck, because he was getting a hard on, and Hiro would be able to feel it soon.

  
“Ow Tadashi! Stop the nails.”   
“Get off me Hiro!” He was scared now, but dug a crater and buried it in anger. “Hiro I’m sorry now get off!!”

Hiro dropped off. He stared at the back of Tadashi’s head, confused. “Tadashi-?”

 

 

But he had gone into the bathroom.   
_What was that about?_


	25. Question Mark

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey :) You peeps know that I like jumping around in the story- skipping parts and not necessarily going into details, so do make sure that you remember other stuff has happened in between the scenes I describe- so make the story your own! You decide what I don't describe and what I skim over. 
> 
> Leaving it up to you (good song btw!)
> 
>  
> 
> This is a minuscule chapter- you fill in yourself what Tadashi does or doesn't do...
> 
> Blessings x

Tadashi was brawling in his mind.

What _was_ that about? Hiro had knocked on the bathroom door later that day, when he still hadn’t emerged and asked if all was well. Tadashi came out and lied to him.

 

 

 

 

 

Said it reminded him of something that happened when he was…  


 

 

 

 

 

 

Hiro looked appalled, stuttered a “Tadashi I didn’t realise…” and spent the rest of the day watching Tadashi with a sorrowed droop in his eyes.

 

 

What else was he supposed to say?   
Was he supposed to tell the truth?

In a way, it _was_ the truth. It reminded him of the dream.

_That dream._

He had barely  _thought_ about the dream since... But now, now he was thinking about the dream. It was dark. Hiro murmured something in his sleep.

_This can’t be good._  



	26. Chocolate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The following chapters will be small snippets of events to show the passage of time. More interesting things will follow suit eventually.

“You smell like chocolate.” Hiro leant into Tadashi, nostrils flaring. Tadashi chuckled. “Haha yeaah it’s probably this.” He pulled out a guilty wrapper, chocolate melted along the insides. Hiro tutted at him, but grinned when Tadashi pulled out another. Hiro lifted his hand to grab it but Tadashi held it away from him. “Uh uh.” Hiro pouted, “Common let me have it!” “Nope.” Hiro narrowed his eyes into unimpressed slits. Smirking, Tadashi opened it at a distance from Hiro (who was still too small to reach) and melodramatically leaned to his outstretched hands to take a bite. Hiro squealed, Tadashi’s mouth seconds away from winning. He pulled Tadashi’s shoulders towards him and yanked on his arm, pulling the chocolate bar down to his reach. He snatched it triumphantly, pulling it out of the wrapper and giving it a decisive lick. “Ha! You won’t want it now.” Tadashi grimaced, “No- it’s all yours.” Hiro flashed his gapped smile, taking a victory bite from the bar. Tadashi rolled his eyes, crossing his arms, “unbelievable” but he smiled in spite of himself. Now Hiro smelt of chocolate.


	27. Embers

“I saw Callaghan the other day.”

A hush waded through the group. They were having one of their weekly meals at Hiro and Tadashi’s house. Cass would cook up an array of food (including her signature hot wings) and the group would natter and eat. Outside the inky sky was spotted by stars and the moon was peeking shyly behind black-sheep clouds.

 

 

 

 

The group looked stiffly at each other. They didn't keep up with the details of Callaghan's arrest, but they knew he was kept under close watch by the police. 

 

 

Gogo spoke first.  
“What happened?”

Tadashi shrugged, his face indecipherable, eyes looking at the table. Hiro’s brow was stitched in the centre; his deep brown eyes focused and calculating on Tadashi. “Not much. He saw me on the other side of the road, had a _man_ with him (police?)- looked horrified. Then he looked like he might talk to me before deciding against and speed walking away…” Hiro clasped his lips into his mouth, head shaking marginally. _That’s not good._ “But, I don’t really care anyway.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

An ambivalent silence.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Well, it could’ve been worse.” Honey Lemon smiled, but Tadashi’s lowered eyes had glazed and a pinprick of ire had begun swelling within them. Her smile tattered and she looked to Hiro for support.  
“Thanks for the food Aunt Cass.” Hiro jerked his head towards the door. Tadashi had these... _moments_ , and it was best if Hiro handled them alone. Everything crumpled within Tadashi's mind. It felt like Hiro was losing him all over again. Tadashi had recently taken to going out at nights too, and Hiro would find him in a pub or street miles away, puke and hatred pooled at his feet.

 

 

 

The group got the jist and repeated Hiro’s thanks, stood, said their goodbyes and left.

 

Tadashi was still glazed where he sat, eyes casting over the uneaten food.  
“Do you want to talk about it?”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 Nothing.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Tadashi?”

 

Tadashi peered up, but the swelling ire was now smothered in misery.  Hiro sat next to him, a hand going to his shoulder. Tadashi looked back down again, obviously unsure how to word how he felt.  
“I tried to save…” Sigh. “I almost died and I- ugh… I don’t know.”

But Hiro knew. “He was dying for revenge. What Krei did to his daughter… he couldn’t forgive him, so it festered and diseased him. Made him become the monster that did that to you.”  
Tadashi nodded, but that look remained. “Hey, shall we go get some stuff from the café?” He beamed at his brother, endeavouring to lighten his mood. Tadashi just shook his head though and ambled to his bedroom. Hiro followed, and watched dejectedly as Tadashi put headphones in and lay eyes closed on his bed. _Oh Tadashi. I’m so sorry._

 

-+-

 

_Darlin’ give me your kiss, only understand. I am the nothing man._

The speckled starred gravel injected with mucky pastel chewing gum was the road I took. It cobwebbed through the chattering 11pm streets and caught my shadow from the street lamps glare. I was an empty bottle. A man wandering through the rise of the sun to the hesitant glow of the moon. I didn’t know what I was doing, where I was going. But I knew one thing.

I couldn’t be in the same room as him.

I couldn’t.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

How much he’d grown, his cheeky smile, his trusting eyes, his _everything_. The dreams that oppressed me, that were steadily infecting and corrupting me behind my mind’s eye were like my shadow. I wasn’t Peter Pan. I wish I could’ve lost this shadow. But it portrayed precisely my debased form.

_I refused to look at my shadow_.

I refused to _believe_ that this is what I had become.  
I blamed Krei, I blamed Callaghan. When I had seen him the other day, the resentment I felt towards him was palpable like venom oozing from my stinging crimson eyes. _He_ put me there. _He_ was the reason I was standing on this street with shattered glass and alcohol at my feet. A smirk came to my lips, but when I turned to a blackened shop window I couldn’t recognise the man smirking back at me. The smirk faded.

Is this what I have become? A nothing man?

 

-+-

 

 

Hiro’s mouth was a drooling ‘O’ as he rolled over in his sleep. He chewed at invisible gum before his eyes opened. “Morning.” Yawn. He rolled over again, but sleep wouldn't touch him anymore, so his slender limbs stretched and then he sat up. “Tadashi?” He frowned to Tadashi’s side of the room. He went over and put his hand to the bed. It was cold. It looked barely slept in.

Hiro groaned. _Not again._

He pulled on his scarcely fitting clothes ( _I really must take Cass’s offer up of clothes shopping…)_ and scuttled down past the café and into the nipping morning air. That jerked his drowsy eyes awake.

 

He knew roughly where to go.


	28. Smashed Bottles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello people!! My goodness gracious me 108 kudos's!! 108 people have liked this enough to make it worthy of clicking that special little button on your screen. Thank you very much!!
> 
> I have started at uni now (I know, it's weird for me too...I survived freshers though which was my main goal so that's good haw haw.) and I am crazily busy even though I've just started!  
> That means updates will be even more infrequent, but I have not forgotten you. This chapter isn't the longest (but neither is it the shortest, which I am highly skilled in ahahaha) but it's something until I have time for a more substantial chapter.
> 
>  
> 
> I want to encourage you guys and your comments, I really do appreciate them good or bad, otherwise how else will I know if the story is going where you like or not or if you're surprised etc so yeaahh, writers love comments so keep going :) (Especially the immensely cute comments, those are the best *blushes*) 
> 
> I know you guys probs hear this all the time but it is important. Writers (especially fan fic writers) write this as a gift. A gift. A present. Not all styles of writing are for everyone but if you love a present you say thanks right? So go on! Spread the love to all those fan fic writers that you obsess over (we've all been there...). They might be having a crap day, and literally a little comment 'love this' 'please keep going' might make their day. And if you make their day the probability of them writing more is higher!! So it's win win really... (Don't forget we're human too)
> 
> Love yooouu God bless x

If Henry hadn’t known who Tadashi was and what he’d been through, he would’ve kicked the thrashing rowdy young man into the gutter. But he did know him. So he didn’t. In fact, Henry had known Tadashi and Hiro’s parents. Had known them very well. But, that was different story entirely.

 

 

 

 

 

 

When Tadashi had entered, Henry knew that he wasn’t okay. His eyes were skeletal and sunken into his skull. They were rimmed red, as if he hadn’t been sleeping. As if he’d been crying.   
His usually chirpy face was _tragic_. His clothes were normal, but the grisly patches on the back suggested he’d been sitting outside for a while. He meandered without purpose through the people, before appearing at the bar. Henry suggested Tadashi go home (this wasn’t the first time) but Tadashi just snowed notes of money behind the counter, stood on the nearest stool and shouted “Who wants a drink?!” into the obscured babble of people. An already merry crowd hoorayed and Henry knew there was no getting out of this one. He levered down pint after pint.

After pint.

 

 

After pint.

 

 

 

 

After pint  
After pint

After pi-

 

 

 

 

And Tadashi fell unconscious. Closing hour came. Henry ferreted the merry and dull out of his pub, locking the door, pulled down the curtains and switched on all the lights. He propped Tadashi up against the bar, checked his pulse and then poured himself an apple juice.

 

Then he waited.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The smaller, slimmer brother came panting and knocking on the door at about half past 8 in the morning. Henry gathered himself up and opened the door. A sorry smile met him.

Hiro walked into the room which tasted of alcohol and murmured something to himself when he saw Tadashi slouched against the bar.   
“Will you be alright getting him home?”  
“Yes thank you Henry.” Hiro turned to him. “I really appreciate you looking after him. goodness knows where he would’ve walked to.” A still sorry but thankful smile. Hiro repeatedly tapped Tadashi’s shoulder and face until he stirred and groaned.

“Tadashi? Common you bonehead lets go home.” He hooked his arms underneath Tadashi’s armpits and hoisted him to his feet. Tadashi stumbled forward against him, but Hiro’s feet were prepared and stood firm. He then shuffled towards the door. Another “thank you”. “Hopefully I won’t see you again soon, if you know what I mean.” Henry said, chuckling as Hiro wedged him and his brother through the door. Hiro nodded his exasperated head and they were gone.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Later on Hiro reappeared with a bag of goodies from The Lucky Cat Café. They chatted for a while before the conversation came to a naturally awkward end and Hiro began to leave. Hiro once again said his thanks, and disappeared down the star- speckled streets of San Fransokyo.


	29. Jars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *like the granny in The Croods* STILL ALIVE! How goes it? Hope it goes well :) Welcome to all the newbies, great to have you join us! 
> 
> I do actually have a folder with about 5 meaty chapters that I wrote ages ago, but I need to fill in the gaps first. Hopefully this chapter can be the first gap filler. If anything feels like it escalated quickly, then I'm afraid you'll have to deal with it, I want action as much as you do!!
> 
> Take care :* x

Hiro hoped that Tadashi wouldn’t go out anymore after that, especially after the cracking headache that followed; Tadashi was in bed all day, not even emerging for Cass’s dinner.

But he did go out again. And it got worse.

 

You see, Hiro didn’t like having to drag his brother home. He didn’t like having to stay awake to make sure he didn’t sneak out. He didn’t like arguing with him that him going out was wasting valuable money and ruining Hiro’s study pattern. And if it wasn’t the drink it was nightmares. Hiro would have to find him either way.

Hiro never mentioned that he thought Tadashi desperately needed help. Help that neither him nor Cass could provide. Hiro spoke to Cass about it, she agreed. He spoke to the group about it. They agreed too.

Once Tadashi walked in on them discussing his health. (Hiro wished he had told him personally now.) What had been happening once a week, which was now everyday. Out drinking. Hiro had even put a tracker on him, because the pubs were getting further and further away.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tadashi was furious.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He didn’t talk to Hiro for days.

 

 

Then, on other days, like today, Tadashi seemed fine. Hiro loved days like this. They would laugh and joke and be like how they used to be. Days where there was still that telltale smell of chocolate on Tadashi’s hair and Hiro would bug him until he gave him a bar. When Tadashi and he would watch a film together. When they would go shopping together. When they would head down to the garage and create nik-naks together. Random stuff that could make life easier.

 

 

 

Today they were at the zoo, Tadashi doing idiotic impressions of the animals and making Hiro struggle for breath he was laughing so much. The others had got bored with the impressions and had wandered off, but not Hiro. Then Tadashi would stop and smile at Hiro, his eyes creasing beautifully in the corners. His eyes filled with… _something_. Hiro would catch his breath again and look back at his brother. Still unbelieving that he was alive.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The world would slow. Smiles still caught like butterflies in a jar on their lips.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The world almost stopped.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Then almost from a trance Tadashi would snap back and continue his impressions and Hiro would laugh. Laugh and laugh and laugh.

 

-+-

 

We were on the train, coming back from the zoo. Hiro and Tadashi were chatting and giggling like school girls on the seats across the carriage from me. I thought nothing of it. They were opposite each other, leaning onto their knees, faces close. I thought nothing of it. I rolled my eyes, and turned to the window. The city seemed to be chasing the train on the outside of the window. I thought  nothing of it. Then I got something in my eye, I blinked, trying to get rid of it but it didn’t work. I asked Honey for her compact mirror. An eye lash had fallen into my eye, and a speckle of my purple eye-shadow. For the life of me I couldn’t get it out. The others had noticed by now, and Hiro- nimble with his hands- came across to help. I thought nothing of it. He asked Wasabi for a tissue, twisted the end, wet it on his tongue, lifted my head and told me to look up. I thought nothing of it. He then used the tissue to touch the eye lash- obviously it stuck to the moisture. I thought nothing of it. “Thank you Hiro.” “No problem.” I thought nothing of it. _Until_ I glanced at Tadashi.

 

 

 

 

Pure unhindered jealousy and even _anger._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Alarmed I frowned at him, but Hiro had sat back in front of him by now, and he was smiling again. I remained where I was though, eyes fastened on the man I was now completely consumed by. _Was that what I thought it was?_ Hours seemed to pass until Tadashi glanced at me, visibly stunned to see me still looking at him. That jealousy had gone, and now seemed like it was replaced by guilt. _Yes. It was what you think it was._ Now my eyes teemed with sadness. What had happened to Tadashi when he was kidnapped to make _this_ happen? Did he even realise it himself?

 

This couldn’t end well. This _wouldn’t_ end well. I looked away.


	30. Hell's Sequins

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is a short chapter- but it's important :) Massive thank you to all you lovely folks supporting me, really appreciate it x

Tadashi  was verging on tears.

 

Not because of what had happened to him.   
Not because he was hung-over again and kepy throwing up.  
Not because the film he was watching was really depressing.

But because he had finally allowed himself to believe something. Something that his heart had been hankering on at him about ever since he was kidnapped.

 

That he was _in love._

 

And not just in love with _anybody_. In love with his little brother.

In love with Hiro.

 

He cried because it was _wrong_. It was _repugnant_. It was _sinful_ and ghastly.

Hiro was firstly male. So this made him gay. That, Tadashi could live with. Confusing, but fine. Secondly though, was that Hiro was basically still a _child._ So this made him a paedophile. But none of that mattered. Not really. He should never have to think of those _in the first place_ because Hiro is his brother. _Brother_. They shared baths when Hiro was tiny; they played video games together for hours. Tadashi can remember the day that he _held him_ for the first time when Hiro was born. This fragile heap of life. This miracle. This boy. _This baby boy_.

 

And now, Tadashi really wept. Because Tadashi had never _hated_ himself more than he did now. Because Tadashi was a freak of nature. Unworthy of life.

 

 

He should’ve died like everyone thought he had.


	31. Stars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo yooooo! Hope everyone is well, or at least as well as you can be in your circumstances. Little random snippet of news (shhhhh... don't tell anyone) my nephew is going to have a baby girl... this is both gorgeous and heart breaking. But we carry on, and she will be precious and I can't wait to meet her, hold her and love her. 
> 
> Another short chapter (yes I know- horrible me!!) but tough... this is another important one, hope you at least like it :) x

Hiro is feeling perplexed. Something… something has _changed._ There is a difference in Tadashi. A glint in his eyes.  Something new. Something. Ugh. He doesn’t know. He isn’t very knowledgeable about human actions and how that translates to feelings or… thoughts. But Hiro knows something is different.

He reasons with himself. _Of course_ something is different. Tadashi was a victim of… of… unthinkable and horrible deeds. Abuse… even…

Hiro doesn’t like to think about it. His current alcoholism, his mood swings and nightmares. Hiro had noticed by now that Tadashi never had a nightmare without a boner...

Hiro doesn’t like to think about it.

But… but Hiro knows that wasn’t it. _This…_ this is different. This is just for him. A gleam _for_ Hiro.It isn’t there when he speaks to Gogo, speaks to Honey Lemon. Nor Fred, Wasabi, Aunt Cass or Baymax. Only Hiro.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And yet, if Hiro is honest with himself, truly honest, Hiro _does_ know _exactly_ what the glint is.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hiro knows he has grown since he last saw Tadashi. He hasn’t seen his brother in so long. He’s caught Tadashi looking at him, in an admiring way if anything. But those looks obviously aren’t quite as clear-cut as Hiro first presumes.

 

All that time apart and now having to get to know each other again, with Tadashi the same Tadashi and yet _hurting_. Hiro waking him from nightmares,  holding him like a parent against his chest, stroking his roughed metal worker hands through Tadashi’s hair.

 

 

Hiro supposes it is natural that things would become confused in such an _unnatural_ and _un-normal_ situation.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hiro loves Tadashi. Loves him so much. Is so _scared_ of losing him again. Perhaps- perhaps this was always going to happen.

 

Perhaps… well…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_Perhaps_ Hiro knew Tadashi was always going to fall _in love with him_.


	32. Fairy Lights

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all like Christmas! I've been a getting into the spirit since the 25th Nov (you need a whole month) and I am so ready for it yyaaayyy :D 
> 
> This is a little Christmas chapter (there will be more like this as you will see!) enjoy :* x

     Hiro blew onto the box. Dust filled the air, getting caught in shards of light like glitter. Then, holding the scissors open he slit the blade across the tape. But Hiro’s mind was elsewhere; currently in a deep sleep upstairs, with the same clothes on from last night, and a sick bucket (thankfully empty) next to him.  
     His hand slipped and the blade caught his thumb. “Ow!” Naturally, Baymax waddled in, “what seems to the problem?”- sprayed the cut with an antibacterial spray and offered a plaster. “It’s okay buddy.” Hiro flapped his hand, dismissing his marshmallow friend, brown eyes distant. Baymax complied, shuffling from the room.  
     Hiro opened the box, it was a fake Christmas tree, in 3 pieces. He removed the base which was already attached to part of the trunk, then the next piece with some ‘branches’ squashed to the trunk and then the top part. The parts slotted in together easily, and he proceeded to pull down the branches so they were sticking out like a fir tree. It was shorter than him (he could remember when it towered above him) dusty and faded, but it was his and he loved it. Aunt Cass had bought it for him years ago and every year he and Tadashi would decorate it and find a different place for it to sit.  
     Hiro hoped that, despite everything, this year would be no different. His eyes looked hopefully towards the stairs, in the futile desire that Tadashi would walk down, jubilant and youthful as he once was.

-+-

     Eventually Tadashi did walk down, but his remote eyes didn’t linger on the tree that they glanced at. “Do you want to help me-?” He just looked away. He wandered down into the café. Hiro didn’t see him again all day.

-+-

     That night, when Tadashi got home, feet disobedient and eyes deceiving, the Christmas tree was decorated. It was in the living room, next to the TV. The same place that they had put it the last Christmas they had spent together.  
     Tadashi stared at it. It was woven with golden tinsel and flickering crystal lights. Ruby and emerald baubles hung from the old branches. Tadashi slumped onto the sofa, eyes watery. Hiro had decorated the tree without him.

 

 

 

 

 

_Without him._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

-+-

     Hiro wandered down stairs, eyes determined and brow furrowed. Tadashi hadn’t come in last night and now he would have to go out again to find his bonehead of a broth-

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lying on the sofa, with a length of tinsel clasped to his chest was Tadashi.

 

 

 

 

 

 

_So he did make it home after all. That's good._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Then Hiro noticed that Tadashi's chest rose and fell softly and his face was  _at peace_.

Hiro smiled, in disbelief. He rarely saw Tadashi like this; without pain, without self-consciousness or embarrassment… just asleep and at ease. It hadn't happened since... well... he couldn't remember.

Hiro looked at his brother.

Really looked at him. He thought about everything those covered eyes had seen, all they would see, all they wanted to see. He was a lot slimmer than he used to be. His eyes were rimmed by dark bluish circles and his hair was once again overgrown. What kind of a life did he lead now? 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

But then Hiro noticed something he had never seen before... that Tadashi was… well… rather _beautiful_. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hiro knelt down in front of Tadashi now- like a sleeping beauty- and just sat there.

Not really thinking of anything anymore, just gazing at the face in front of him.  
     There’s an intimacy when you watch someone sleep, they’re so vulnerable to you; helpless and exposed. They become enticing and fascinating: the softly parted lips, the faint movements and hints of dreams, the eyes closed so gently they might be peeking through their lashes.  
     Hiro had to shake himself when he realised how long he had been sat there. He left the room without looking back at Tadashi except once. He then trundled down to the café.

“Hey Aunt Cass.”

Same cheerful smile.

“Hey! I saw the tree, it looks amazing, great job!”

“Thank you… but it’s not quite done yet.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The top of the tree was still bare.


	33. Angels

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this is awkward... I said that I would post more Christmas chapters and now it's February... (I even have another Christmas chapter written!) So, lets just pretend that it's Christmas again yeah? Just for one chapter!
> 
> Sorry peeps! (cute chapter though, if I do say so myself)

Tadashi woke to a silent house. He groaned- voice low and resonating in the back of his throat. His hair was defying gravity and his unkempt beard was matted. He rolled over so he was facing the back of the sofa, curling into a foetus.  
     Someone came into the room. “Tadashi?” Hiro. “Tadashi, are you awake?” Tadashi didn’t move but he heard Hiro shuffle closer. “Tadashi?” Pause. “I know you’re awake.”   
     _Damn it._ Tadashi opened his eyes and uncurled onto his back. Hiro was standing behind the sofa and was leaning forward, over looking him. Hiro smiled. Tadashi didn’t.

Hiro noticed the annoyance in his face, but also noticed it was masking his usual hurt.

“Do you like the tree?” Tadashi curled back to the foetus, face buried in the sofa. He heard Hiro sigh. “I asked if you wanted to help me.” Tadashi groaned again, uncurled and stood.   
     Eyes not once glancing to Hiro he headed to the stairs. Hiro clasped his arm as he passed. “Tadashi! Don’t be mad at me!” Tadashi lifted his face towards the red and silver length of decorations hung on the ceiling. He gave a scornful sigh. Hiro let go, moving so he could sit on the sofa. Tadashi headed to the stairs again.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“I only wanted to ask if you’d like to put the angel on the top. But no matter, I can do it.”

 

 

  
     Tadashi stopped, a few step up from the floor. He turned to look back into the room.  
     “Oh…”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

They were silent for a while. Hiro didn’t make any move to put the angel on the tree. Tadashi noticed it now; she was on the floor next to the tree.

 

     “Shall I…?” Tadashi fiddled with his fingers. Hiro glanced round, a smile placed cautiously on his face.  
     “Yeah sure- here.” He stood, picked up the angel and held her out to Tadashi who took her and tentatively placed her on top of the tree. He turned to a smiling Hiro. “You should probably shower… you smell awful.” He chuckled. Tadashi managed smiled.   
     “I’ll… I’ll go sort myself out now then.” He headed back to the stairs.   
     “Tadashi-?”   
     “Yeah?”  
     “I thought we could have a movie night… If you like?”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

     Tadashi coughed. _Bad idea bad idea bad idea-_ “I’d love to.” _Bad idea bad idea…_

Hiro beamed. “Awesome!” He skipped from the room.

 

 

 

 

_You bloody bonehead! You can’t spend time with him… you can’t you can’t you can’t you can’t you can’t you can’t you can’t you can’t you can’t you can’t you can’t you can’t you can’t you can’t you can’t you can’t you can’t you can’t you can’t you can’t you’re disgusting disgusting disgusting disgusting disgusting disgusting disgusting disgusting disgusting disgusting disgusting disgusting disgusting disgusting disgusting and you don’t deserve this kindness you-_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Tadashi!”   
Aunt Cass.  
“Lovely tree isn’t it?” She smiled. He turned to look back at the tree. It was lovely.

“Yeah, it is.” He couldn’t help but smile. He also couldn’t help sighing. Aunt Cass frowned.   
“What’s wrong?” Tadashi looked away, head shaking.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  
“Nothing. Nothing at all.”


	34. Green

Christmas came and went. New years came and went. To be honest, Tadashi couldn’t remember most of it. What he could remember was the bucket next to his bed. He could also remember the look on Hiro’s face when he told him he was going to an important party. A party instead of the film session they had organised.

 

“More important than your brother?”

 

“Hiro please don’t.”

 

“No.” Tadashi hadn’t seen him this angry before. “I know where I stand.”

 

“Hiro please!” But he had gone. Later he saw photos of Hiro hugging Gogo and Honey Lemon on Facebook.

 

Tadashi had a crap night. He spent most of it wandering and looking for a local pub that would let him in. Eventually one did, close to where Hiro had had that bot fight.

 

How long ago was that?

 

Tadashi didn’t know.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

But there was something he did know. He knew he couldn't do this anymore.   
Wouldn’t do this anymore.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wouldn’t carry on a life with Hiro so close.

 

 

A life with his mind taunting him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A life with his mocking eyes that always ended on the sweet lines of Hiro’s face.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 Imagining what he would look like, sound like and taste like if that oversized top was just pulled away…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone is doing okay :) I'm sorry the updates are so infrequent, but you're not forgotten! I will finish this story *fist bump* I'm still enjoying it, it's just finding the time and inspiration *nods solemnly* 
> 
> God bless x


	35. Pillow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! I'm sorry that this has taken so long, been a busy busy bee. Bzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Hope you are all well, much love x

Hiro went to bed happy in the knowledge that Tadashi was asleep across the room. He paused to admire the pretty sleeping man before he laid in his bed. But Hiro also new that Tadashi would probably have another nightmare. The last one was particularly bad... But never mind. Hiro knew he was safe at home. That's what's important.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The 'nightmare' did come. When those sounds began winding to Hiro’s sleep induced state, he directly hurdled his body out of the warmth and decisively headed to Tadashi’s bed. He would usually then proceed to wake Tadashi, holding him until he had calmed and stopped crying from the nightmare.

But when Hiro halted next to his bed, those throaty groans and sounds abandoning Tadashi’s lips, Hiro noticed something.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tadashi wasn’t crying.

 

 

Hiro contemplated this for a moment. He was just dreaming. Dreaming about sex.

Oh. _Oh!  
_ Clearly what was being done to Tadashi was _enjoyed_.

 

 

 

 

 

Hiro was smart enough to know about that… stuff. Goodness, he had felt it too. He had touched… erm… well. _Every_ teenage boy does! Baymax himself said that he would experience… _urges_.  
But… _Tadashi_? _  
_ You don’t believe that your brother has those urges too. That your brother, when you’re asleep might…

 

And so, awkwardly shocked by this development, Hiro owl-eyed looked around the room as if a group of accusing people might stampede out of the draws and wardrobes. Hiro decided he should go back into his bed. Put his headphones in. Forget his brother woke him.

 

 

 

 

But Hiro remained by Tadashi’s bed.  
And remained.  
And remained.

 

 

 

 

Hiro’s bowl mind of knowledge pulled the plug on him and drained all thoughts, leaving Hiro a fish gaping at Tadashi twitching where he lay. He was currently on his stomach, hips subtly grinding into the duvet. One arm was loose over the edge of the bed, whilst the other was bent up by his head. His face was away from where Hiro stood. Hiro _daren’t_ see what face he was pulling.

 

 

And yet, he was c _urious._

 

Of course, to a young inexperienced boy ‘flowering into manhood’, this was _fascinating_. The sweat licked body, the way the arousal seemed to skim and slither through Tadashi’s body. And then, through his _own_ body _._ With every noise Tadashi made, it only magnified this…this _feeling._ As said before, Hiro had felt it before, the fist of arousal drilling and grinding in his body; he wasn’t frightened. But this was different. It was better. The feeling was raw, uncensored, concentrated onto this moment.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It was _exquisite_.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hiro stayed still until Tadashi shifted more adamantly, body rolling so he was flat on his back, arms by his side. That made Hiro squish his eyes shut, the sane in him telling him to go back to bed. But Hiro usually listened to the insane side, which told him to open his eyes. And so, one eye shyly opened- like a child peeking at a horror film. The other pursued, growing extraordinarily wide as he ogled his brother’s boner almost pushing up through the crotch opening of his boxers.

 

This is _too much._

  
The miniscule sensible voice inside Hiro began crippling to nothing “Look away Hiro. Look away.” But his eyes didn’t. His face was a flaming crimson by now, which was bleeding down towards his newly haired chest. His mouth was still gaping, his lips grainy, forehead perspiring, hands inadvertently (or so he told himself) slinking to untie the strings on his pyjama bottoms … and _stop Hiro stop…_ pulling out… _stop stop stop stop stop stop stop…_ gripping… _stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop…_ and now stroking his guilty reaction to Tadashi’s dream… _stop stop stop stop stop stop stop._

_This is bad_

 

Hiro felt a slither of guilt when he came into his hand, lip clasping onto his bottom lip to keep himself from calling out. But that was overpowered by how _good_ it felt. So wrong. _So very wrong._

Tadashi didn’t look like he was going to last in his dream, and Hiro wasn’t going to watch his brother come, that would be going too far. He coerced himself back to his bed. He made it to the divider when:

“ _Hiro_!”

 

Deer-eyed Hiro whirled round, expecting an embarrassed and angry Tadashi to be staring at him, having woken from the dream and caught the end of Hiro’s little- _moment_.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

But Tadashi was still asleep.

-+-

 

 

_I groaned. His smooth, small, _supple_  index finger on his right hand was tracing my left collar bone drowsily, before pausing in the dip below my Adam’s-apple. His shadowed eyes glanced to mine, assessing my reactions as he did his opponents during his bot-fights. His smile showed how he knew I was enchanted by his indulgences. His left hand- which I had since forgotten due to the smoothing right hand- now made its presence known on the sensitive skin under my knee. I startled from the impulsive action; my dazed, overwhelmed eyes looked and sunk into his misted orbs._

_His fingers were circling now, and then started trailing up the inside of my thigh._

_I gulped._  
_They reached my turbulent yearning and deliberately clenched. I whined, arching against his small hand. This was so impromptu, so rash._  
~~So wrong.~~  
My hands were grasping hysterically at the sheets. I had no idea what to do with my body; with these flummoxed and completely, COMPLETELY unacceptable feelings. “Hiro-” my voice was distressingly high-pitched. His smirking face leant into my exhilarated and flushed face. “Yes brother.” When did his voice get so deep? So husky? So delicious?

Wait… what??

_Oh man- “Stop… please… Hirroooo.” My body scorched and writhed beneath his adept fingers. “This is wrong…”_

_“You don’t sound like you want me to stop.”_

_“Hiro!”_

-+-

 

Oh. Oh. _Oh!!_

_Oh bloody hell!!_

 

 

Hiro lurched away from Tadashi’s side of the room, reeling to the door, eyes flailing in their sockets. He reached the door, clammy hands white knuckled and gripping. He glanced back. Tadashi had come over himself. He was waking up.

So Hiro was right. The indisputable truth now blinked awake in their shared bedroom. Tadashi loved Hiro, physically wanted him.

Although Hiro had accepted the love aspect (Gogo even said that she had noticed) he hadn’t considered _this_.

He hadn’t considered that somebody might look at his lanky body and be aroused by it. That Tadashi might lie awake at night, while Hiro was in the same room and think about…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hiro left the room. _Shit_. What now?


	36. "Let me sip this slow"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter for you lucky peeps! 
> 
> Let me know if there are any mistakes, (grammar, spelling- I didn't proof read this very well)   
> If you think things are taking too long (as in the story itself, not my shockingly slow updates!) or escalating too quickly.  
> Comments for all writers- fanfic or not- is always appreciated. This is written for us, but also for everyone else, so let us know what your feeling!
> 
> Happy Easter by the way- Christ is Risen! 
> 
> Much love x

     The glinting sun was streaming across the bright, baby blue sky. No clouds; a beautiful day. The grass was trimmed and vivid in the afternoon light.   
     Across the lush green canvas little white and pink daisies were speckled. Sitting on a bench was Hiro, whose whole life had shifted to a colourless haze.  
     He was looking at the field, but not really seeing. His body was completely still. Only his chest rose and fell lightly. His hair was greasy, clearly unwashed for days. His clothes smelt.

 

He didn’t notice Gogo had been staring at him for almost 5 minutes. She was assessing.

 

She put her hand on his shoulder. He flinched, but softened when he glanced at her next to him; he’d almost forgotten she was there.  
“Sorry. I, I zoned out there.”  
“Yeah, I noticed.”  
“I don’t know what to do. I can’t. I... I don’t know.”  
“You need to talk to him.”  
“I don’t know how anymore. You can’t, can’t hold a conversation with him anymore.”  
“Hum. How do you feel about him?”  
“What?”  
“Like, do you love him back?”  
“Of course, he’s my brother.”  
“No I mean, _love_ him back?”

“What?”  
“Are you in love with him?”  
“I don’t love... I. of course I don’t!”  
“Aah don’t get defensive,

you can’t help who you fall in love with.”

  
“What? No… stop, common that's not the point.”  
"Yes it is."  
"Shut up he's my brother. I'm not in love with him."  
"Hiro don't-"

  
He stood up, clearly angry. Clearly hurt. Clearly he hadn't considered this before, or, if he had, he had shunned the thought. Shunned the thought because it would be abusing the love Tadashi felt for him. He wouldn’t have considered loving Tadashi if Tadashi didn’t love him first.

   
"Tadashi is confused and I would be... I don't. Ugh that's incest and wrong."  
"Look I'm just saying."  
"Yeah well don’t.”  
"Hiro, look, sit down. You're making a fuss."  
" I don't. Why would you even? Ugh!"

"Well, something needs to change between you. When did you last hold a proper conversation?”   
"What? I? I don't know! No wait, don't change the subject." He sat down and leant forward onto his knees, face hiding in his palms.  
"Just answer my question."   
"I don't know. I can't remember. It's been weird since-"

He cut himself off.

"Since when?"  
"It doesn't matter."  
"No tell me.”  
“No.”  
“Why not.”  
“Because it… it doesn’t matter. Okay? Just leave it.”  
“I want to know!”  
“Well you can’t know. None of your business!”  
“Fine then! Bit touchy.”   
“Look, you bought this up.”  
“ _You_ asked to meet up.”  
“Yes, _for help_. Not this. Not.. not _love_. For help.” He stood, angry again.   
“Oh Hiro sit down for heavens sake.”  
“No. My brother is suffering and I don’t have a fucking clue what to do to help him!”  
“You think I don’t know that? You think I wasn’t best friends with Tadashi for years? You think I can’t see what’s happened to him? To you?

Oi!! Don’t bloody walk away from me. Stop. He loves you. _Loves you._ What are you going to do about that?”  
“I don’t know! How am I supposed to know?!”

“Well you better find out, because sooner or later he is gonna do something and you’ll be in a whole pile of shit.”  
“Yeah yeah I know.”

“Hiro. Hiro! Get your ass back here.”  
But he didn’t. Gogo sat down, dropping her head back. _What a turd._

 

-+-

 

Hiro walked home, jaw clenched and hands drumming on his thighs. _Why did she have to bring that up? Why couldn’t she have just? Ugh._ He beat out a song he knew, the words playing in his mind. When Aunt Cass saw him approaching she kept quiet. _It’s not even her problem._ She knew that pissed off face. _She was just trying to help._ Hiro didn’t even acknowledge her as he passed through the café; he went right up stairs. _Yeah well she didn’t help._

Thankfully Tadashi was nowhere to be seen.

 

 

 

 

He went to a cluttered box on the floor and began rummaging. Seeking headphones, Hiro became increasingly annoyed at all the crap in the box. Soon its entire content was across their shared floor. No headphones. _Why do I even bother?_ Hiro stood, hands drumming his thighs even more vigorously. _I mean what is the bloody point?_ He tried a drawer, and another drawer. Nope. _For fuc-_ Ah! And he spotted them, curled neatly on his desk; where he had left them that morning. He uncurled them (almost ripping them) and wedged them in his ears then plugged the other end into his phone. _Bite my tongue._ Hiro paced around his room, still drumming out the beat. His floor was now covered. He ignored it, driving his anger into the song. After that song he played _the pretender_. Further head banging ensured. When he’d tired himself out he fell back onto his bed, turning his music onto shuffle.

 _The zone_ came on.

Hiro sat up, brushing his sweaty hair back from his face. He closed his eyes. _Don’t Hiro._ But he did. He stood and started rolling his hips to the song.

He then ran his small hands along his torso, stomach and down to his groin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The songs in this chapter are:  
> -"Bite my tongue" by You Me At Six ft Oli Sykes  
> -"The Pretender" by Foo Fighters  
> -"The Zone" by The Weeknd ft Drake
> 
> x


	37. Collar Bone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there! Hope all is well, I am finally giving myself a day to get some solid writing done (if I don't procrastinate too much!) so there will (maybe) be some more chapters coming your way :) 
> 
> As always comment my grammar mistakes, questions and suggests etc. It has been bought to my attention that my chapters aren't always clear, so from now on I will write a summary of what happened in the chapter in the notes at the end. (If that makes sense) If you'd like me to go through the whole thing doing this then just let me know and I will do so!
> 
> The following is a summary of the previous chapter (36) and I'll summarise this chapter (as in Collar Bone) in the end notes:  
> Hiro is at the park with Gogo, seeking advice for how to deal with Tadashi. She then curiously asks if Hiro could love Tadashi romantically, to which Hiro gets upset and angry about and denies. He goes off in a strop: listens to angry rock music, THEN a sexy song comes onto his playlist. He knows that he shouldn't dance to this in case Tadashi comes in and sees him (which would obviously be awkward) but he does it anyway. The chapter ends with him about to touch himself (and probably have a wank)
> 
> Much love x

His eyes are closed. His dark eye lashes sit on the dark circles about his eyes. He hasn’t been sleeping well recently; my fault of course. All things seem to be my fault these days. The skin under his eyes is flushed, a bright red which bleeds down his neck to his chest. His skin is better than how mine was when I was his age; a few spots but nothing that noticeable. His inked hair is wet and sticking to his forehead, drops of sweat drip down his face. His pink mouth is open, and a glistening tongue licks occasionally along his cracked lips. Then his gapped teeth bite down on his bottom lip; when his teeth slip off he sings along briefly to whatever sex music is in his ears. His voice is raspy, his throat dry. He is, of course, completely naked. I haven’t seen him naked before. Only in my dream. I stupidly pinch my arm. I’m not dreaming. I gulp. His body is rolling to the music. One hand slips all over his body, scratching along his skin, leaving red lines across his collar bone, down his torso and to his groin. The other hand insistently clasps and rubs his dick. I freeze where I stand. My mind and body completely contradict itself so I am left a gawping, aroused lump of man who desperately wants to run and never come back but also wants to go over and touch-

 

 

 

 

 

He opens his eyes. He sees me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

For a second I _swear_ those inhumanly dusky eyes are devoured by a yearning for me.

 

 

He even strokes himself and bites his bottom lip…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What do I do now? Then it’s like he woke from a dream and horror consumed his pretty face. The reality of the situation becomes apparent again to me at that point. The reality that he is disgusted by my eyes, my body reacting to him, my whole self; he was aghast that I would look at him that way, feel these things.  
I make a shocked sound, distressingly like a squeal and turn around, repeating:    
“I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry!”

To my surprise he says “I’m sorry I should have locked the door, it’s my fault.”

I want to turn to look at him, see if he’s taking the piss out of me, but I know Hiro. He wouldn’t do that. Of course that makes me feel guiltier; my baby brother looking after me, taking the blame, the punishment. He shouldn’t have to.

I then hear the sound of him dropping, or falling, and a rustle of bed sheets. I presume he’s covering himself up. Protecting himself from his disturbed brother. My heart is still drilling and I can feel my shoulders rising and falling fast, feel sweat trickling down my face.

In a quiet voice he says “Tadashi?” I don’t say anything. I’m consumed by my thoughts. Drowning.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Tadashi?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Turn around Tadashi.”

Obviously I can’t. I have a vulgar ‘Hiro boner’ and I can only imagine what terrified and repulsed face Hiro is pulling.

 

 

“Tadashi look at me.”

I close my eyes. I have to don’t I? I could go out the door I suppose, but I’d have to face him sooner or later.

 

I turn around.

-+-

Eventually he turned around, blushing, sweating, eyes scarily wide and dark. I take the headphones out, not looking away from Tadashi. He is looking down, chest rising and falling as if he’s been running. He clearly wants to look at me as his eyes keep glancing, but they never linger, instead they flick away, conflicted and frightened.

 _So dark_.

My eyes inadvertently look down his body, I know what I’m going to find but I still gulp and subconsciously shift on the bed, my duvet covering my guilt too. He sees me looking down him and his face- which I didn’t realise could get any pinker- darkens so he swiftly turns around and makes for the door.  
“Tadashi wait!”

He stops.

I stare at his back, desperate to go over to him but not wanting to stand. I don’t want to give him conflicting signals.

“It’s okay Tadashi; I’ve had lots of awkward boners too.” I laugh, but I soon stop as it’s fake and doesn’t fill the void of space between us. I can see though - even while facing away - that Tadashi is struggling. Struggling physically to contain himself. I know that Tadashi desires me. Know how desire can devour the mind; can occupy every thought and action. I know a brother in a different situation to ours would have laughed and left the room by now. I feel even more guilty; guilty that I wasn’t more careful.

 

I go to speak, but my voice doesn’t let me. Moments after I force the words out.

 “Tadashi… It’s okay.”

-+-

No it’s not okay.

His voice is deeper when he says that to me. It’s got greater meaning behind it but I’m feuding so much in my mind that I don’t dwell on it. I keep thinking over and over what this should be like, it shouldn’t be awkward. Everyone masturbates. But this thought only argues with the fact I know how I feel about Hiro, and I know this _is_ awkward and will always be as long as I’m here…

 

“Tadashi?”

 

I should walk out. But I can’t. It smells of him. It smells of sex. The smell consumes my nostrils and suffocates my mind and body. I can’t go down stairs _. I can’t leave.  I can’t stay._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I turn back around, my hands shaking and lip trembling.  
“I’m sorry Hiro.”

Sorry for this. Sorry for leaving. For everything. Sorry for what will happen tonight. I then turn around, down stairs and into the bathroom. I hear Hiro call one more time. I stay in there for a time. _Stupid stupid stupid_. It’s no use. What’s done is done. Then I go down into the cafe, Aunt Cass smiles.  
“You seen Hiro?”

I shrug. I don’t eat anything. I just sit there. Aunt Cass doesn’t push it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I decided weeks ago what I should do. But I couldn’t bring myself to do it.

 

 

I think I can now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Summary:
> 
> Tadashi walks in on Hiro touching himself (I know, what an original situation!) Tadashi is obviously turned on by this. Hiro catches Tadashi staring. Although he doesn't admit it Hiro is kind of turned on by that thought. Tadashi feels really embarrassed and guilty. Hiro feels guilty too for not locking the door. It's awkward. Hiro tries to make Tadashi feel better. Instead, Tadashi decides to ... and goes into the cafe. 
> 
> ( ... = I'm not going to say! But it's obvious anyway)


	38. Sleeping Beauty

Tadashi lay motionless, wide eyes blinking at the cracks along the ceiling. He lay like this for what felt like hours, but in reality it was only half of one.   
   Within this time he heard Hiro and Cass whispering to each other by the stairs. Although he couldn’t hear what they were saying, he could tell their murmurs were low and concerned. He leant forward on his bed to hear them better, but daren’t stand encase Hiro came in. He heard his name a few times, Gogo’s too and Wasabi’s. This made him think of his friends; he hadn’t seen them in weeks. He couldn’t even if he wanted to. It just wasn’t the same anymore.  
   Then the door swung open, letting in a wash of yellowy light. He laid back down again, shutting his eyes quickly and focusing on slow breaths to imitate sleep. He heard foot steps enter into the room. “Night Aunt Cass.” The footsteps went into Hiro’s part of the room, but paused. Tadashi could feel eyes on him. He desperately tried to lay still. Then barely audible: “Tadashi?” Tadashi didn’t move. “Tadashi?” Tadashi made what seemed to him was a sleeping noise and moved his body slightly. He then heard Hiro sigh and a ruffle of fabrics. Hiro made various grunts and noises as he attempted to hoist his hoodie over his head.   
   Tadashi could imagine it; it was his old hoodie and he always had trouble getting his head out of it. It was a great hoodie, but the head hole was too small for the average guy, and often resulted in the wearer leaning forward with the hoodie hanging inside out from their neck, arms flailing and tugging to pull the last part of the jumper off their body. After a few more strangled cat noises Tadashi presumed Hiro’s head was free from the darkness as he made a joyful sound; Tadashi imagined his inky hair dishevelled and defying gravity (as it always does).   
   The sound of Hiro putting on pyjama bottoms followed then the squeak of his bed and then a few beats of silence. Tadashi waited for a few seconds, then, sure enough, Hiro began shuffling on his bed, rolling onto his front, side, back, side again: like a cat circling on their spot before finally lying down to sleep. Tadashi lay still for a few moments, then opening his eyes.  
   He then waited.  
   Half an hour passed. He lay motionless, wide eyes blinking at the cracks along the ceiling.

-+-

Eventually Tadashi forced himself to sit up. He looked across the room, and listened intently for any signs of movement from Hiro. There weren’t any. Tadashi new Hiro was a very deep sleeper, but the panic nonetheless weaved its way heavily around Tadashi’s body.   
   What if Hiro woke up? What would he say? What would Tadashi have to say to calm him down? He knew he wouldn’t be able to convince Hiro that he should leave. Hiro would never understand. But Tadashi’s mind was sawing through his skull with every thought of Hiro, every look, every sound, every touch…   
   Tadashi closed his eyes, focusing on what he needed to achieve. He reopened them shortly, picked up his watch on his bedside table and strapped it onto his wrist. 11pm. He could already feel his hands beginning to get clammy, and a slight tremor begin to run through them. _It’s okay, it’s okay._ He reassured himself. Quickly and as quietly as he could, he pulled his suitcase out from under his bed, lifting it onto his bed and unzipping it. He grimaced at the overly loud sound, but Hiro made no sign of waking. Once open, Tadashi turned to his chest of drawers standing behind him. He opened the top draw carefully, eyes shooting up to Hiro at any sound.   
   His hands were fully trembling by now, and sweat slipping down his face. He lifted his clothes out of the drawer and put them gently into the suitcase. He repeated this with all of his drawers, closing each of them in turn. Then he turned to his shelves, eyes scanning over them. Most things were pointless nick nacks, made by himself or Hiro when he was younger. He sighed, eyes lingering on the black bot Hiro had made a while ago. Its face was yellow and smiling. Hiro had given it to him shortly after they had found him. It seemed so long ago now. Tadashi picked it up and put it into his suitcase. He also put in a bag of toiletries that he had packed earlier that day, after the ‘incident’ with Hiro.   
   He scanned the room again, forcing his emotions deep inside of him, so he could ignore. This room was his life. It contained so many memories of his time with Aunt Cass, at college. With Hiro.   
   Tadashi turned back to the suitcase and mentally ran through his list of necessities. All the boxes were ticked. As carefully as before, Tadashi began to zip the suitcase up. His deep eyes glanced at Hiro, checking, double checking and checking again. Nothing.   
   Tadashi then picked up the suitcase from the side handle and shuffled out of the room. He went softly down stairs but before he reached the bottom he paused. Listened. A horror film was playing. He placed the suitcase on a step and peered around the corner. Sure enough, a horror film was on, but there was no sign of Aunt Cass. He went the rest of the way down and peeked around the sofa. She was asleep. Tadashi smiled and went over to the TV. He bent down and switched it off, then turned around to make sure Aunt Cass was still asleep. She didn’t stir. Tadashi moved to the chest of drawers by the sofa and opened up the bottom drawer. Folded sheets were inside. He pulled one out and waved it so it unfolded and aired. He went back to Cass and laid it over her.   
   Tadashi then went back to his case, picked it up and tiptoed across the room to the other staircase and moseyed down into the café. He put his case on a table and wandered behind the counter. He scanned the rolls and buns, picking up a few and wrapping them in kitchen roll. He then took a carrier bag and placed them inside. He licked the icing off his fingers, took his suitcase in hand and headed for the door.   


He stopped.

 

Would he just leave like this? Should he leave a note? A sign? Anything?   
No. He would leave like he should, like he deserved to: he would just disappear.   
But did Aunt Cass deserve this? Deserve to just be deserted again? Did Hiro?  
No. They don’t deserve this. But what words could make his situation better? If they knew the truth…

 

Tadashi walked forward a few paces. He put his case and bag on the floor, taking his key out of his pocket. He then unlocked the door, put the key back into his pocket, picked up his case and bag in the same hand and put his hand on the door handle.

 

He stopped.

 

_You can’t stay here Tadashi.  
 I know._

 

Tadashi pulled down the handle and pushed the door open. A sharp wind whipped at him as he stepped out into the street. He closed the door behind him, popped his case on the floor and took the key in his hand to lock up. His eyes rose and looked through the glass at the café.   
   Tears began to rise as the emotions he had repressed surfaced, and memories in that room: at them visiting Aunt Cass when they were little, and eventually moving in with her after… at Hiro getting a chocolate moustache when he vigorously ate Aunt Cass’s warm chocolate chip muffins, at Hiro falling into a table one summer when he decided to clean everything to prove Tadashi wrong and ended up falling face first into a meticulously piled pile of cream éclairs (Cass has never stacked food since.) at Hiro’s smile when he bought Tadashi home after he thought he was dead for months. It was full of tears and joy and so much love.   
   Tears were running now down his face, lip quivering and sobs were beginning to leave his mouth in broken songs of a life he wished to live again. But that he couldn’t.   
   On an impulse Tadashi pulled the door open again, dropped his bags on the floor just inside the café and ran to the stairs, up past sleeping Cass and into his bedroom. He walked with conviction to Hiro’s side. He was still beautifully asleep.   
   Tadashi stared at him, biting his lip to keep his sobbing from erupting over his little brother. Hiro was lying on his side, facing towards Tadashi. Tadashi knelt down besides his bed, drowned deep brown eyes locked completely onto Hiro’s face. His eyes were filled with an overwhelming love for this boy. An overwhelming love that filled Tadashi with a sickness which could never be cured; a disease which was cancerous and lethal.   
   Tadashi took numerous deep breaths to calm his pummelling heart. Hiro shifted on his bed, rolling onto his back, mouth partly open. Tadashi didn’t flinch from his movement; he stayed completely entranced by the person in front of him.   
   After a while Tadashi stood, released his lip from his teeth and gazed down at Hiro one last time. He smiled sadly to himself then turned away. He only made it a few steps before he stopped again.

_Tadashi don’t._

But he did. He turned back around to face Hiro and went to his bed side. He rested his hand on the side of Hiro’s bed and leant over his resting body. Tadashi slowly leant down and down and down until his face was inches away from Hiros.

  
   He then gently pressed his lips onto Hiro’s.

  
When Tadashi stood up, tears still waterfalling down his face; he turned swiftly away from Hiro, not allowing himself to look back at the boy. He scampered back to the stairs, down them, across the landing, down the other stairs back through the café and to his suitcase and bag. He then picked them up, opened the door, locked the door from the outside and staggered out into the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Summary: Tadashi packs, tries to leave, almost fails, runs upstairs, kisses Hiro then leaves.
> 
> I expect a lot of 'nooooos' ;) 
> 
> Much love, take care x


	39. Leave the Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there! Are you ready for some angst and "wow that escalated quickly?" I hope you are! Because that is what you're getting!! I hereby gift unto you a long and meaty chapter, hope you enjoy it, I especially enjoyed writing this one *fist bump* 
> 
> It hasn't been grammatically checked, so any errors just let me know and I will try to fix them.
> 
> This is the longest chapter I've ever written, so it would be great to know what you think of the style and content *thumbs up* 
> 
> Random life update on my part though, today I am seeing Busted!! James was the absolute love of my life when I was little, so I am soooo hyped to see my babies reunited! And it's my summer ball! Which means my first year at uni is finished- crazzzzyyy!!
> 
>  
> 
> Danke shon meine pretties. God bless x

   Hiro pulled his legs up to sit cross legged, and forced his eyes to read the words in front of him. It was a book that, although he had only just started, he couldn’t even remember the title of. The words meant absolutely nothing to him; they were just a jumble of letters vaguely arranged in some meaning. He picked up on the words ‘foolish’ and ‘love’ and ‘hurt’ but that was about it. Eventually he dropped the book onto the table and sighed heavily.  
   Aunt Cass, who was behind the counter looked over to her nephew; she saw a boy who couldn’t concentrate, who had begun skipping meals, who she heard sneaking down to the café some nights ( and found it immaculately cleaned the next day), pressured by society to save lives, to be a role model, to give public talks to encourage young people with school work, on going to college, on being a ‘super hero’. But Hiro was just a kid; a kid who never asked to be anything to anyone, a boy who kept his issues to himself and tried to live a ‘normal’ life.  
   Cass knew though that Hiro could never live a normal life. She also knew that the outside pressures weren’t what were bothering him. Tadashi was. He was traumatised by losing his brother- finding him but then never _really_ finding him. Hiro could be found staring tiredly at old photos and diaries, trying to recapture memories of a life they had once. A life before all of this happened.  
   She watched Hiro as he drummed his fingers relentlessly on the café table, eyes cast down and full of pain that should never be found within a person of his age.  
“Hiro?” He didn’t respond. She wandered over to his table and knelt besides him. Only then did he notice her, but he only gave his Aunt a sad smile and looked back to his book.  
“There’s no point in reading that if you can’t concentrate.”  
“Huh?” Hiro looked to Cass, eyebrows bent towards each other.  
“Stop reading.” She smiled “Why don’t you go out with Tadashi? Grab a-”  
“No!” Cass startled at his fierce interruption. “No I…” His voice softened thereafter and trailed off. “I can’t.”  
Aunt Cass nodded.  
   She thought back to earlier that day, Gogo had phoned her shortly after Hiro had come barrelling through the café and had disappeared upstairs. She had asked Cass if they could meet to talk about something ‘sensitive’. She would have agreed but Tadashi had appeared shortly after and looked like he had seen a poltergeist. She didn’t ask what was wrong, but she couldn’t help make presumptions.  
   Aunt Cass wasn’t blind, and she knew there was something more pressing and worrying occurring between her nephews, something she couldn’t quite put her finger on. She thought about the pleading in Gogo’s voice when she had phoned.  
“Gogo phoned me today.” Hiro’s eyes shot up, shock smothered in a few seconds on unhinged anger before being covered by his wall of protection.  
“Oh… what about?”  
“She wants to talk to me about something. She sounded concerned.”  
“It’s nothing.”  
“What’s nothing?”  
“Nothing… is… um… nothing. Don’t worry okay. I’m handling it.”  
“Are you though?”  
Hiro paused. Would Gogo tell Aunt Cass what they spoke about? No of course not.

Actually, yes.

Because she was sensible, Gogo knew Aunt Cass would help them in their ‘situation’, could try to calm the storm before Tadashi or even Hiro did something they regret.  
   Hiro looked at Aunt Cass then and saw safety.  
“Tadashi is struggling.”  
Aunt Cass nodded. “I know he is. Is there something else going on though?”  
“I… I can’t tell you. I… I don’t know how to say…”  
   Aunt Cass realised that Hiro wanted to tell her whatever was going on, but that he couldn’t. A sting on jealousy struck that Gogo could be told but not her. Then she reasoned with herself, perhaps Gogo guessed what was going on, which caused Hiro to be so angry earlier. Gogo had spent a lot of time with Tadashi and Hiro, so that idea wasn’t unlikely.  
“Can Gogo tell me?”  
   Hiro looked sadly at the still open book in front of him. He wanted to say no. He wanted to find a way of sorting this out himself. He was scared of how Cass would react. But he knew though that this was one he couldn’t fix, these were emotions he had no idea how to handle.  
   He nodded. Cass put her hand on his shoulder and squeezed it gently, then walked back behind the counter. Fortunately it was a very quiet day in the café, so she was able to shut up early and meet Gogo at the local park.

-+-

Tick tock tick tock

-+-

Gogo told Aunt Cass about noticing changes between Tadashi and Hiro. About noticing the lingering glances, the looks of jealousy, the looks of anger, of fear, of love. And not _brotherly_ love.

After hearing this it made sense to Cass. The constant avoidance of Hiro on Tadashi’s part. The way he would agree to things but pull out at the last minute, as if the realisation of the situation they’d be in deterred him.

Aunt Cass asked how Hiro felt towards Tadashi. Gogo said he was obviously confused, but was clearly terrified about losing his brother again.  
It seemed clear that Hiro would be willing to do just about anything to keep his brother safe. Which would include loving him romantically.

If Aunt Cass hadn’t practically raised the boys, seen them grow and develop, seen Tadashi get girlfriends and be happy, seen the fire, seen the guilt and mourning Hiro went through, seen them find Tadashi and then watch the relationship between them flounder in oceans of distress, abuse and fear; then she would be repulsed by her current thoughts.

Her thoughts being that if Hiro was willing, and knows the consequences for romantically loving his brother, then he should do it.

He shouldn’t lose Tadashi again. It would destroy them both.

-+-

Tick tock tick tock

-+-

By the time Aunt Cass got back home again, it was dark outside. She walked up to the kitchen just as Hiro was about to disappear around the corner to his room.  
“Hiro!” She called to him, and hastily walked up the few steps so she was standing in front of him. He didn’t say anything, but turned to her and glanced awkwardly up the stairs and to the floor. He couldn’t look her in the eye.  
“It’s okay.” Cass reassured, she could see how troubled he was. After she said that he glanced at her, and managed the same sad smile from before. Cass continued in a low voice, acutely aware that Tadashi wasn’t far away, but knowing she needed to say this now, before she over thought the situation and internally broke down. “Gogo told me.” She paused, letting that sink in. Hiro began twiddling with his fingers. She put her hand on them and rubbed over them slowly with her thumb. Hiro watched his hands as she continued talking. “You need to decide what you want to do with Tadashi… um… who else know about this? Does Wasabi and Honey-”  
“No one else knows. At least, no one else has said anything. Gogo wouldn’t tell anyone else, she only told you because she-”  
“I know why. It’s okay. I want you to know, whatever decision you make, we will all be here for you. Okay?”  
Hiro looked at Aunt Cass again, then pulled her into a hug.  
“Thank you.” He whispered. He knew she knew he had already made up his mind on the matter. He just needed reassurance. He pulled back from the hug, eyes watery but smiling. He then turned away and started to go into his room. “Night Aunt Cass.” He called over his shoulder.  
   Aunt Cass stayed there for a moment, then went back down the stairs and put on the TV.

 

Hiro went into the room and paused, eyes looking at the still mound of Tadashi on his bed. His eyes watched the way his chest gently rose and fell. A sleeping beauty.  
   Eventually Hiro said quietly “Tadashi.” He knew he was asleep, but he wanted to try. He felt emboldened by Aunt Cass’s words, and felt that this shouldn’t wait until morning. But at the same time he didn’t want to wake Tadashi from his sleep, it was seldom he got a good night’s sleep. “Tadashi?” Hiro watched him shift slightly, but then lie still again. Hiro sighed.  
   He then began to undress, taking off his trousers and eventually braving the head squishing hoodie. After much battling with the fabric he pulled it off, hair saluting the heavens. He then pulled on his pyjama bottoms and got into bed. He lay still for a moment before rolling over a few times to get comfortable.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It would have to wait until morning. Then he would tell him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tell him he loved him too.

-+-

Tick tock tick tock

-+-

Hiro smiled in his sleep and rolled over, pulling his soft sheets up over his chest, hugging them tight. His heavy sleepy eyes blinked open, and gazed hazily around the room. It was still dark. He reclosed his eyes and sighed, rolling onto his other side but then onto his back. He laid like this for some time.

He was in the delirious state between waking and sleeping when he felt a gentle press on his lips.

-+-

Tick tock tick tock

-+-

Hiro woke abruptly. It was still dark. He sat up and lifted his fingers to his eyes, rubbing the sleep out of them. His eyes wandered around his room, adjusting to the darkness. Shadows of his ornaments and tables and shelves came into vision. He frowned though, and recalled vaguely what had happened moments earlier, or maybe even hours earlier.

He had the weirdest sensation that he had been kissed.

He shook his head, pushing the thought away as a dream. He laid back down and closed his eyes, but sleep didn’t come to him. After boredom struck he sat back up and stood, eyes looking around the room again. Cautiously he edged over to Tadashi’s side. He frowned into the darkness.  
   Unless his eyes were deceiving him, Tadashi wasn’t there. He looked harder into that area, and sure enough the bed sheets were rumpled but there was no Tadashi in them. Hiro sighed.  
   “Probably gone to get pissed again down the pub.” Hiro, now wide awake, went over to the light switch and indulged the room in a bright yellow tone. He then went back to Tadashi’s room and sat on his bed, eyes scanning over the shelves; he smiled at all the things Tadashi had kept over the years, including a shockingly bad painting of the brothers Hiro had made when he was little. He noticed though that his bot wasn’t on the shelf. “That’s odd.” He mumbled to himself. But odder things had occurred, so he dismissed the thought.  
   He stayed there looking at Tadashi’s room for a long time, before willing himself to go back to sleep or finish the assignment he had been putting off for weeks. Neither was particularly enticing, but he stood up nonetheless encase Tadashi came back and saw him chilling on his bed.  It was then though that he noticed one of his drawers was open. He rose an eye brow and pouted, looking suspiciously to the door to see if anybody was watching him. Filled with the excitement of raiding other people’s things and being nosy, he pulled open the drawer and peeked inside.  
   He expected to find some dirty smut magazines, or secret drawings or written fantasies. But he found nothing. The drawer was empty. Frowning he opened another drawer, and another, and another. They were all empty. Panic and realisation kicked in then, and Hiro dropped onto the floor reaching under the bed to find their shared suitcase. It was gone.  
   Maybe it is kept in the loft now? Maybe he’s moved it? No. He’s run away. Hiro stood up, overwhelmed by how his mind had completely deserted him and in its place was pure fear and desperation. _Think Hiro think._

Aunt Cass? _No. She’s been through enough. I need to find him_. He looked at his clock, half past 1. _He can’t have gone far… could he_?

He bolted to the door and swung down the stairs, tiptoed past the living area (where Cass always ended up sleeping) and down through the café. He skidded through the café to the door, only to remember it remains locked. Groaning to himself he ran back upstairs, into his room, grabbed his keys and practically jumped the stairs into the café. He unlocked the door and stumbled out into the street. His frantic eyes scanned the streets, before turning back to the café and relocking the door.

 

“Tadashi!? TADASHI?!!”

 

 

 

 

 

He then ran.

-+-

Tick tock tick tock

-+-

The street was devoid, a haze sketched across the bedimmed, ashen buildings and roads of San Fransokyo. The sky was soiled by sooty and smudged clouds, edges illuminated only by the solitary moon. The sun had neglected the moon’s imploring for more light; shunned, disorientated and lost in the spilled black-ink of heaven.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Within the dejection was a man running.

 

He was running away from all that he thought he knew- running towards everything he never hoped to find.

 

His raven fringe was clinging to a tacky face with magenta cheeks and weeping eyelashes.

 

His wounded eyes mirrored the fractured and cracked paths on which his feet ran.

 

-+-

He’s a ticking time bomb

-+-

 

“TADASHI!!?”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  
Hiro didn’t want to lose him.

Was so, _so petrified_ of losing him. He felt sick. He almost threw up with the fear.

“Don’t… don’t leave me.” He panted, pausing only to look up and down the streets, eyes willing themselves to see the man he was about to tell he loved. What if he never found him? What if this was the end? What if their last moments together were one induced with guilt and awkwardness. How could Hiro ever forgive himself?

 

He carried on running, running into the obscurity of a misplaced dream.

-+-

Tick tock tick tock

-+-

Tadashi stopped and dropped his bags on the floor. He bent over, hands gripping his thighs as he puked. When he’d finished spluttering he gulped. He looked around.

Nothing.

Silence.

He had stopped in an ally. He didn’t know where. San Fransokyo was a tangled web of alleys and paths, roads and buildings. He walked further down the alley, leaned back against the wall and sat.  
   What he should have done was book a hotel room, book a train ticket, a flight, anything. But any time he went to pay for something Hiro’s smile came into his mind and lit a lightbulb behind his eyes which he couldn’t put out. It dazzled him with adoration and love. He couldn’t make the commitment to leave.  
   But then, after today, he knew he had to. So, on a desperate whim he ran and ran and ran. Not knowing where he was going, what he would do, where he would stay. He became ill from the running so had to stop. He closed his eyes, then bought his hands up to shield his face when Hiro’s face lit up behind his eyes again. The desire to go back home, back to where Hiro was blissfully asleep was almost too much for him.  
   But then he saw Hiro’s face when he realised Tadashi was watching him. The horror. So it was this face, which now darkened the smiling face of Hiro that prevented Tadashi from returning home. Hiro would never love Tadashi like he did. Would never want to talk to him in the same way, hold him, touch him, love him. Tadashi sobbed into his hands, repeating “Disappear. Disappear. Disappear…” over and over and over.

-+-

Tick tock tick tock

-+-

 

Hiro stopped running. He tried to catch his breath but it was so far ahead of him that he couldn’t reach it. He looked around the ashen streets. No sign of Tadashi. He wondered how he could possibly find him in this place. How he could possibly do it alone. He should go back and tell Aunt Cass, tell the police, tell his friends, tell Baymax.

 

_Baymax!_

Of course! _You utter bonehead Hiro…_ Baymax has a sensor- that was how they had found Tadashi in the first place! He turned around and began running again, with a determined purpose. He had left Baymax in the garage as there were some new updates and upgrades he was installing. That was why he hadn’t been around the last few days.  
   Hiro eventually reached his house again, and went into the garage. Baymax was by the computer, seemingly watching the ‘loading’ bar gradually fill with a warm purple colour.  
“Baymax!” Hiro exclaimed. Baymax turned and would’ve smiled if he had a mouth, so instead rose his hand and said:  
“Hello Hiro. What seem’s to be the problem? You seem to be distre-”  
“Baymax!” Hiro interrupted. “Tadashi has run away, we need to find him.”  
“Oh. I suspected that would happen. He was experie-”  
“What?!” Hiro was taken aback by Baymax’s nonchalant comment. “You knew he was going to run away?”  
“Judging from his emotional state and anxiety-”  
“Why didn’t you tell me Baymax?!”  
“Because Tadashi is my creator and I trust his decisions have reasons behind them.”  
“No he’s a bone-head who doesn’t know what he’s doing. We need to go and find him. Now!”

-+-

Tick tock tick tock

-+-

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_I’m the sand in the bottom half of the hourglass  
An unsteady lightbulb_

_I will surely flicker and extinguish soon._

 

-+-

Tick tock tick tock

-+-

 

They landed. Hiro’s eyes looked around. They weren’t as far away as Hiro thought they would be. Hiro had been down this road before after one of his bot fights. It was a sleazy area; smashed bottles of beer and cider on the dim floor, cigarette buts scattered amongst condom wrappers and chewing gum, bottle lids and speckles of blood here and there. Hiro grimaced from the disturbing sight, but turned his attention back to Tadashi.  
   Baymax’s pillow arm pointed up the road to the right. Hiro could see the entrance to an alley from where he was attached to Baymax’s back, clad in his usual purple suit (which was his 4th suit really due to growing spurts), but he couldn’t see what lay within the alley.  
   Carefully and quietly he dismounted and began edging up the road. Baymax followed. Hiro then turned to Baymax, and smiled sadly at him.  
“Can you stay here please buddy? I just… I need to talk to him alone.” Baymax nodded, and took three steps backwards. Hiro turned back around and took a deep but trembling breath. What condition would he be in? What would he say to Hiro? What would Hiro say to him?

The truth. Say what Hiro should have said all along. Back when he first found out how Tadashi felt about him.

Hiro walked forward again and approached the entrance to the alley. As he got closer he went over to the left to lean against the wall, closing his eyes to calm his nerves. When he was ready he slowly looked around the corner, hands grasping onto the bricks beside him.  
   Sure enough, near the end of the alley sat a person curled up in a ball. Hiro’s eyes wandered over the alley, noticing the sick on the floor and the abandoned suitcase and carrier bag nearer to where Hiro was still peeking around the corner. Hiro then came out from behind the wall, and stood at the mouth of the alley, eyes sorrowfully watching Tadashi.  
   He was sobbing, face covered by his hands. He looked so small and vulnerable; so unlike the old Tadashi but so distressingly like what Tadashi had become. He didn’t seem to notice Hiro, and it took Hiro to speak before his face shot up, eyes simultaneously shocked, relieved, endearing and repulsed.  
“Tadashi?”  
He didn’t reply. He just turned his face away and covered it again with his hands. Hiro advanced slightly, but was foolishly frightened. He stopped, about 5 meters away from Tadashi.  
“Tadashi?” Hiro tried again. Tadashi removed his hands from his face, but didn’t look at Hiro.

There was a silence between them that neither knew what to do with.

At length Hiro spoke: “You need to come home-” but Tadashi interrupted him  
“I can’t.”  
“Yes you can.” Tadashi flattened the bend in his legs, so they were in a straight line in front of him. He rested his hands in his lap, fingers fidgeting. Hiro watched the rise and fall of his chest, admired the curves of his face. “Please Tadashi.”

-+-

Tick tock tick tock

-+-

Tadashi willed himself to move. He knew the longer he stayed here the easier it would be for Hiro to find him. He wanted to be found, of course he did. He wanted Hiro to tell him to go home, to tell him everything was going to be alright, like he did after his nightmares; to hold him to his chest so he could hear his heartbeat, the reassuring ‘dum dum, dum dum’ of the organ keeping his Hiro alive. He wanted Hiro to take his face in his palms and kiss him. Nothing crazy, just like Tadashi had done to him that night, something small but caring; a silent ‘I’ll be there for you’.  
   But he knew this wasn’t going to happen. So Tadashi remained where he was, sobbing in this disgusting alley, with the smell of puke and other obscene things wafting into his nostrils, reminding him of those days spent when he was kidnapped.  
   The thought of those times came cascading into his mind then, and he gagged. The smell of what he’d been through was overpowering, and it took his effort to prevent himself from being sick again. After it had passed, eyes watering from chocking, he put his head back into his hands.  
   Shortly after he heard a hesitant “Tadashi?”. Tadashi looked up to see Hiro, standing at the end of the alley, forehead creased in worry, eyes red and puffy from crying and lip trembling. After the shock of being found, he turned his face away; suddenly ashamed to be seen in this alley, with its vile floor and smell. He just wanted to disappear. But he couldn’t.

So he decided to put up a wall. Hiro had broken down his wall before, but Tadashi was low enough now that his wall could be made twice as high and twice as thick. I needed to find a way to make Hiro leave him behind. There was a thin hope this would work:

If Tadashi had to break Hiro’s heart to protect him, then he would.

-+-

Tick tock tick tock

-+-

Tadashi shook his head. Hiro looked on mournfully, forcing himself to not burst into tears again. He needed to stay calm, or he wouldn’t be able to help Tadashi.  
“Come home with me. I bet you don’t even know where you’re going!” Tadashi scoffed.  
“I don’t need to know where I’m going. It doesn’t matter.” Hiro inhaled audibly, breath quivering.  
“It does matter.”  
“No it doesn’t, because I don’t matter.” Tadashi remained looking forward, he had control of his breathing now, and focused on keeping his eyes steady. He knew he’d have to look at Hiro soon, especially if he wanted to be successful in making Hiro leave; but he couldn’t do it yet.  
   Tadashi heard Hiro gasp at what he had just said.  
“That’s, that’s not true Dashi.” His voice had changed, it was as if he was a child again, pleading to his big brother to play with his toys. It took all of Tadashi’s strength to not cave in then, but he knew that if he went home, he would only hurt Hiro. He needed to make him leave.  
   Tadashi turned to look Hiro in the eyes; although his hands were shaking he kept his gaze steady, self hatred searing beneath them… to Hiro though it seemed like the anger was caused _by_ Hiro and the hatred directed to him.  
“What do you want?” Hiro flinched: Tadashi’s voice a sharpened blade. Tadashi noted the effect it had on Hiro, and he knew if he could push it, push this, _blade_ into Hiro then he would cower and leave. Leave in a flood of tears perhaps, but at least he’d be safe.  
“I want...” What? To take you home? To protect you? To love you? “I want my brother back.”  
Tadashi saw an opportunity. He grimaced, face apparently repulsed by that comment:  
“Your brothers dead.”

Hiro whimpered beneath the blade as it gashed into him again. His lip trembled more adamantly, the utter repulsion in Tadashi’s face hurting him:  
“Don’t…” He stumbled over his words. “Don’t say that. You’re my brother Dashi I lo-”  
“You’re brother is dead Hiro!” Tadashi snapped, standing up at this point and turning his body away from the boy who was the nucleus of his reactor, who was the spark which would set off the bomb.

He would soon implode.

“Dashi that’s a lie. Don’t say that!” Hiro sounded exasperated. His voice was croaking and strained, his breathing was heavier. Tadashi ignored the tears that were rolling silently down his own face. Over his shoulder he said:  
“You are not my brother Hiro. So just piss off home.” After he said that he scrunched his face up to stop the avalanche of tears that were about to erupt. He heard Hiro begin to break. Tadashi knew this would work. Hiro started to try to say something, but was so overcome that only a few distressed sounds came out. “I said ‘piss off home’ Hiro!” Tadashi repeated more firmly that time, but the crying forced the words out harsher, so he sounded like he was fuming.  
“Why are you saying this?” Hiro sobbed.  
“Just piss off Hiro! I want to be alone!” Tadashi snapped again, worried now that Hiro would see through his angry cover.  
“You don’t like being alone!” Hiro was frozen on his spot, watching the rise and fall of Tadashi’s back.  
“You’re right.” Tadashi lowered his voice. He took a deep breath. Hiro wiped one side of his face with his hand, brushing off the tears. “I just want to be away from you.” His lowered tone verged on sinister, and this cruel remark bought anger into Hiro’s eyes, repressing the sorrow that was dominant just seconds beforehand. “Now. piss. off. home.”

There was a long pause. Tadashi daren’t turn around, tears still wetting his face. Hiro didn’t know what to do. Tadashi had hurt him; really hurt him. All Hiro had tried to do was love Tadashi, help him, care for him… now this? Hiro remembered then though that Tadashi had been mentally and physically abused. He was _always_ hurting.  
He couldn’t give up on him.

“I’m not leaving without you.

I don’t care what you say.

You are coming home with me.”

“No I’m not.”

“Yes. Yes you will.”

Tadashi began to panic then, as adamant footsteps approached but paused short of standing directly behind him. He then felt a hand gently press on his shoulder. He flinched from the contact, and used one of his hands to try to push it off.  
“Tadashi don’t push me away.” Hiro was determined. But Tadashi was more determined.  
“I am not coming home!” Tadashi swung around and barged past his little brother, causing him to stumble sideways into the wall. Hiro hit it with a yelp and turned in bewilderment to look as Tadashi picked up his bags and strode out of the alleyway. Hiro remained static through the shock, but soon sprung forward and ran out of the alley and up the road to where Baymax was attempting to stop Tadashi from power walking further away.  
   Hiro approached in a hurt fury:  
“Baymax wait over there.” The marshmallow hesitated but did as he was asked. Tadashi willed Hiro to not do this. Tadashi didn’t know how much longer he could hold out.

-+-

Tick tock tick tock

-+-

Hiro grappled onto Tadashi’s arm and spun him around so he was facing Hiro. Tadashi went to protest but was cut off by Hiro shoving him, so that he almost fell backwards onto the concrete. As he stumbled Hiro grabbed his bags and threw them to the side. Tadashi steadied himself, face aghast at what an unexpected turn the night had taken.  
“You are not leaving!” Hiro yelled. “You are my brother and you are coming back home with me where you belong because you have no right to-”  
“No right! I have every bloody right to do as I please and if I want to leave-”  
“It’s not all about you Tadashi! It’s not all about you! What about Aunt Cass? You just gonna bugger off and leave her behind, wondering what she had done wrong to push you away? Leave her feeling guilty and confused and-”  
“I can’t help how it will effect her, but I know things will be worse if I stay!”  
“What about me!” Hiro shouted. Tadashi jerked forwards towards the bags but Hiro put his arm across his chest, pushing him backwards so he stumbled again. “What about me?!” Tadashi eyed the bags again, but knew it was futile. Hiro had a much better diet than he did, and his youthfulness made him stronger. Tadashi was tired, physically and emotionally; he was beginning to doubt he’d win this one unless he did something drastic. “What about me?” Hiro said more calmly now.

“If I stay I’ll-”  
“You’ll what?” Hiro butted in, annoyance apparent in his voice and face. His tears had stopped now. They were both run dry, trekking across the dessert, not knowing who was going to buckle first. “Tadashi, what would you do?”

“I’ll hurt you.”  
“No you wouldn’t. You’d never hurt me-”  
“You don’t... ugh! You don’t understand! I am not who you think I am! The Tadashi you knew is gone!”  
“I don’t care!”  
“You should care! Everything has changed and I can’t stay here!”

 

Facing each other now, both bewildered, both panting, both _wanting_ to have…

Yes. Everything _had_ changed.

 

“So what if it’s all changed.” Hiro said. “Everything’s always changing.”  
“Hiro, I’ll _hurt_ you. I just, flipping… shoved you into a wall!”  
“Big deal! I shoved you too!”  
“Hiro you don’t understand.”  
“Understand what?”  
“What it’s like.”  
“Don’t I? Did I not find you back then? Did I not find you lying in your own-”  
“Hiro stop!” But Hiro continued, voice un-breaking and frantic, growing more and more desperate as he spoke.  
“Your own piss, come and shit. Did-”  
“Stop it Hiro!!” Tadashi bought his hands to his ears, scrunched his eyes closed and started walking backwards away from the memories he tried to repress.  
“Did I not clean you up-” Hiro edged forwards, words spilling out of his mouth like lava down a volcano.  
“Hiro stop it!!”  
“Wipe the blood from your face-”  
“Stop it!!”  
“And hold you when you cried-”  
“For f’s sake Hiro stop it!!”  
“I have woken you from nightmares Dashi-”  
“Hiro!!”  
“What?!!”

“It’s…” Tadashi had to regain his breath. He slowly lowered his hands from his face. Hiro looked so angry. “It’s not about that.” He said, eyes looking at Hiro’s feet. Hiro nodded. He knew what it was about, but he was so upset with Tadashi now that he wanted to hear him say it. He wanted Tadashi to admit that he was in love with him.

“What is it about then?”  
Tadashi shook his head. It was then that Hiro realised that the hatred wasn’t directed at him, but at Tadashi. Hiro felt guilty then; that he had resurfaced all those memories, those nightmares, just to get back at his brother who had annoyed him. Tadashi had been suffering so much, and now Hiro had made it worse.  
“I thought you were dead Dashi. I don’t want…” He sighed. “I can’t lose you again.”

-+-

Tick tock tick tock

-+-

Tadashi looked up then. He looked at his unbreakable brother. Tadashi had tried to hurt him, had succeeded, but it didn’t make Hiro give up. Tadashi smiled and rested his hand on Hiro’s shoulder.  
“You can’t lose me Hiro.” He said gently, tears rising once again in his eyes. “You can’t lose something you’ve already lost. You lost me ages ago, the day I went into that buring building.” Judging from Hiro’s face, Hiro knew what this was. It was ‘goodbye’.  
   But Hiro still pleaded, but the realisation of the truth was apparent.  
“You were gone Tadashi. Really gone. But you’re here now! I don’t care if you’re broken, I don’t care if you’ll hurt me. I just want you to stay-”  
“But I care. I care if I’ll hurt you. I can’t do that Hiro. I’m you’re brother. Your _brother_. I’m not supposed to-” Tadashi stopped himself abruptly. He began to panic again. He almost told Hiro. _Damn it Tadashi_!  
   Hiro noticed the change in Tadashi’s face,  
“You’re not supposed to what?”  
“It’s nothing.”  
“That’s a lie.”  
“Hiro!” Tadashi said sharply. “It’s nothing.” Tadashi walked around Hiro and bent to pick up his bags.  
“So where are you going to go?”  
“I don’t know. Die in some ditch somewhere.” Hiro flinched again.  
“That’s not funny Tadashi.”  
“ I know its not, it’s not a joke.” Tadashi began walking up the road. Hiro followed.  
“Tadashi you can’t say things like that it’s not fair!”

Tadashi turned sharply to Hiro, utterly determined to make Hiro leave him; before he says something stupid…

“ _NOT FAIR_? I. WISH. I. WAS. DEAD. _Life is not fair!!_ Hiro, can’t you _see_ that. I _should’ve_ died when they-” Hiro cowered backwards, lifting his arms to shield his face.

“No No No No No No-”

“Yes Hiro!”

“NO!”

“Hiro you don’t understand- I can’t live with myself anymore!”

“Why not!!” Hiro shouted.

“Because it’s wrong!”

“What’s ‘wrong’?”

“I am! I’m a disgusting person who can’t stay here anymore!”

“No you’re not!!”

Tadashi turned and half jogged, half walked away up the road. Hiro followed close behind.

“You’re not ‘disgusting’ Tadashi.” He grabbed Tadashi’s arm again and jerked him around.

“Hiro stop, get off me…”

“Why are you ‘disgusting’? ”

“Hiro-”

“Just tell me!! Why do you have to leave me? Again? All alone?!”

“You’re not alone. You have the others!”

“I don’t want the others- I want you!”

“Hiro I cant… I’m not the same.”                                                      _Tick tock tick tock_

“Why can’t you live with yourself anymore? TELL ME?!”

“I can’t Hiro!!”                                                                                     _Tick tock tick tock_

“Yes you can! Say it!!”

“NO!”                                                                                                   _Tick tock tick tock_

“FUCKING SAY IT!”

“NNOO!!”                                                                                           _Tick tock tick tock_

 

“TELL ME WHY YOU’RE FUCKING LEAVING?”

 

Tadashi imploded.

 

“BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Shit.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“… I’m… I’m in love with you… Hiro…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Summary: Aunt Cass finds out about Tadashi loving Hiro, and she can tell that Hiro feels the same way. She acknowledges that it is 'wrong' but that the situation is complicated so it cannot be judged. She tells Hiro whatever choice he makes she will support. Hiro sleeps. Hiro wakes and realises Tadashi has run away. He goes to find him, eventually find hims, they argue, Tadashi spurts out that he is in love with Hiro.
> 
>  
> 
> (Ps, i am making this 40 chapters long, which, as you smart folk will realise means this is the second to last chapter! The last one is going to be another whooper which will tie up the story that I am telling, so hopefully it won't disappoint!!)


	40. It's Not Your Fault

They say time ends. They say you have an ‘out of body experience’. They say the world stops.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It’s true.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

-+-

_She repeated this for a while, attempting to stop her quivering hands. Or at least calm them._

_It was silly really, stupid. It was only Hiro for peaks sake! But since... since..._ _Tadashi_ _she had been left feeling helpless. She was caught within a vacuum, and as every day, minute, second passed she was forced further and further away from the muted cries of her nephew._

 

-+-

 

Tadashi remained frozen, eyes locked onto Hiro.

Tadashi’s hands were shaking, fingers fiddling frantically with the hem of his shirt. Tears were still rolling down his face. He could feel them down his neck and sinking along the underside of his shirt. They rolled into the sweat and made Tadashi shiver. He had goose bumps on his arms, his little hairs standing on edge.  
But still his face felt hot and his skin was burning a terrified red.

This was the moment he had been petrified would occur.

-+-

_When he settled, he remained where he was, little form wracked in shivers; drool and mucus gathered in the corners of his mouth. Cass wiped them away with her pyjama sleeve and pulled him to her, her hand combing through his hair. His breathing began to settle, and his shivers subsided._

_~~Nevertheless, beneath his lidded eyes he can see the face. The face oozing against the glass, with horrified eyes boring through Hiros. The face with bared teeth painted red. The face with the bloodied skull.~~ _ _~~Tadashi’s face.~~ _

_~~“It’s all your fault.”~~ _

_Hiro whimpered, hands grasped tighter around Cass. His body shuddered again._

-+-

The moment Hiro would surely reject him.

Turn away from him.

Disassociate himself from him.

-+-

 _Why didn’t I stay with him? He was my priority; I had the responsibility to_ _look after him._ _And yet I hadn’t. I had let him down_ _again._ _And now I didn’t even know if he was alive or… or…_

-+-

Tell him goodbye and leave him forever.

Alone.

Like he deserved.

-+-

 _A smooth, latex gloved hand clinched my jaw almost instantly. I flinched from the action, unaware that anyone was in the room, let alone_ _that close to me_ _. The thumb and forefinger slid off my jaw bone and to the squishiness of my cheeks- pushing my mouth into an ‘O’._

 _They then poured water into my mouth. I tried to gulp it all down as they_ _kept_ _pouring, but I ended up coughing and gargling it down my chin._

_I was panting by the time they stopped._

_I heard a chuckle._

-+-

Hiro just stood there.  
Looking at Tadashi.  
Looking through Tadashi.  
Did he even see Tadashi?  
Not really.  
He just heard what he knew all along, and yet before it had never been said out loud.  
Hiro could just push it away.  
Try and forget about it.  
And yet.  
Here it was: a man who looked so scared, blinking back the tears that didn’t listen.  
A man who had just admitted his love.

Aunt Cass had told him he would need to make a decision. And he had. But now?

What would everyone say?

What could Hiro say?

This was so unknown, so sudden… and yet… he had been waiting for this moment of ages.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

How is it that something can feel like it has been there all the time and yet never been there at all?

-+-

_“Wha-?!” I jerked my head away from the action when my brain finally communicated with my body._

_~~Shhhhh pretty boy. Don’t move now.~~ _

_I should have bitten down but I…_

_It’s not something you expect and plan how to respond…_

_I just…_

_Laid there_ _._

-+-

Hiro knew he had to talk. To say something. Anything. He took a sharp intake of breath. He opened his mouth to talk but his voice had long since deserted him. _Oh dear._

-+-

 _But I did in the end. And I made a pitiful,_ _pathetic mewling_ _sound when the warm urine leaked onto my groin and inner thigh. The release abandoned me to a bleak feeling of emptiness._

_The urine cooled, making me shiver._

-+-

Tadashi spoke first. They couldn’t tell if they were frozen like that for an hour, 20 minutes or even 10 seconds. Tadashi mumbled something mostly incoherent. Hiro heard a softened ‘sorry’ and ‘goodbye’. Tadashi then began to turn away from Hiro.

-+-

_He was red-eyed and willing to kill._

_Wanted to kill._

_Almost_ _killed._

_“Hiro.” This isn’t part of the plan._

_Was Bot--fighting part of the plan?_

_Was us being super heroes ever part of the plan?_

_Was Tadashi’s death ever part of THE plan?_

-+-

Tadashi turning away made everything in Hiro’s mind begin turning, like an old clock that had just been wound up. He stepped forward a few paces, shrieking “Tadashi!” His name came out harsher than Hiro intended and more abrupt. It made Tadashi turn around swiftly with a look of shock on his face.

-+-

_You know when you’re in that stage between being awake and sleep? I was there. I knew something wasn’t right when the gleaming, slicked, ebony hair on the boy above my face began fusing with the raven background. And then more so when the touch inches from my throbbing length diffused to the prior stable air in the room._

_“Who were_ _you_ _thinking of?”_

_What?_

_Then the dream relinquished me to my reality._

 

 

 

 

 

_Crap._

-+-

 

Tadashi stepped back from Hiro. Having turned, he found himself face to face with the boy now almost his height.

 

Hiro repeated “Tadashi” again but softer this time. Tadashi looked uncomfortably from Hiro’s face to the ground and to Baymax slowly edging up the road to them.

-+-

 

_It made me squirm._

_My hands twisted against the restraints. My toes curled and my knees raised, pulling taut against my ankle restraints._

_It made me swear._

_Don’t Tadashi. Don’t cry. Don’t cry._

_It made me cry._

-+-

 

Hiro took a deep breath, eyes not watering anymore. “Tadashi.” He repeated again, pausing only momentarily before saying “I know.”

-+-

_I woke. Goodness knows how much time had passed._

_All fluids had dried. I felt like pastry; crusty and flaking._

_A desert._

_Barren._

_Parched and desolate._

-+-

 

Tadashi’s eyes shot to Hiro’s. He could do and think nothing other than a quiet and useless “ _what_?”

 

-+-

_“Quickly, while he’s left the room!” Gogo exclaimed, beckoning Hiro over to the entrance of the police station. Hiro nipped out of the small yellow car with the whole crew in and galloped up to the entrance. Baymax’s head was out the top of the car, and his eyes followed Hiro affectionately._

_Hiro's wide brown eyes flittered around inside briefly before he exaggeratedly tiptoed over to the desk. He grinned as he placed something down onto the table before bolting to the door at a sound from deeper within the building._

-+-

 

Hiro repeated what he said. He daren’t move forwards though.

 

“Tadashi, I knew how you feel, I mean. I  _know_  about me.”

 

-+-

_And like almost every night, when Hiro lay alone in his room, the trembling would give way to mournful, solitary sobbing._

_“T-Tadashi…_

_I really miss you.”_

_…_

_I slipped in and out of consciousness._

_Everything was falling._

-+-

 

Tadashi shook his head and started to move backwards. “Why…?”  
Hiro waited for him to say what he quite obviously needed to.  
When Tadashi started talking it was a continuous string of confusion which swirled into anger:  
“Why didn’t you tell me? You just… I… Why are you here if you? You acted like you didn’t know. How long have you known for? Why have you? Am I that obvious? I don’t…You just… you _just made me say it_! I don’t understand you already knew!”

 

-+-

 _“My sensor has detected signs of life. With the new update I can scan a wider perimeter now…”_  
Hiro smiled. “Buddy, there are many more people beyond your perimeter. Don’t worry about it.” He turned round and sat back at his desk, hands resuming to their prior task.  
“Hiro, the life source belongs to...”  Hesitation. Hiro rolled his eyes.   
“Baymax please, I need to finished this before the ceremony on Sat-”

_“Tadashi.”_

-+-

 

Hiro interrupted. His tears were stopping and amusement was beginning to build at Tadashi’s disorientation.  
“I know I made you say it out.” Hiro said. Tadashi stopped, and looked at him, frowning.  
“I don’t understand.”

 

-+-

_“Just leave him here, he doesn’t matter anymore.”_

_A different man interjected.  
“But what about the plan? What will boss say??”_

_“That kid is dead weight anyway-”_

_“But…!”_

_His shaking finger pointed to the screen. A large red figure and a smaller purple figure were standing at a door on the end of a corridor. The door led to this control room._

_“Eff the plan- RUN!”_

-+-

 

“I wanted to hear you say it. Out loud.”

 

-+-

_Baymax came in then, unhesitant in his actions._

_He told Honey Lemon to remove his red armour, and with his squidgy marshmallow arms he lifted his creator._

-+-

 

“But why?” Tadashi asked.

 

-+-

_You know when someone has their eyes closed and you can see their eye balls moving underneath? It’s weird isn’t it? Close your eyes, go on, then place your finger gently on top and roll your eyes around. Haha it’s freaky right!_

_Well, I could see Tadashi’s moving._

_I had waited for this moment. It felt like my _whole_  life had been pieces shifting into place, to be sitting here… alone… with Tadashi._

-+-

   Hiro smiled at Tadashi. That same smile, those same twinned teeth with the division in the centre, those same cocoa eyes vast against his creamy face. Those dense eyelashes wetted together from crying. That onyx hair- ruffled across the forehead but wetted down and dripping with sweat. The same buttoned nose, although more defined now. The chin and jaw line more constructed and defined too, yet his youthful warmth remained.  
“Because…”

 

Now it was Hiro’s time. He steadied his breath. He looked at his brother. His _alive_ brother.

 

“Because I think… No. _I know_ …

 

 

 

 

 

 

I love you too.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And the world stopped.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Tadashi?”

 

 

 

Tadashi looked so confused. So lost. Utterly shocked and scared with a terrified joy but no smile. He never thought Hiro could accept him let alone _love_ him back. Maybe he was lying. Maybe he was just saying this. What? Saying it for the sake of it? Look at Hiro’s face: Tadashi saw nothing my nervous love.

 

 

“Say something Tadashi.”

 

-+-

 

 

 

 

 

Please don't close the curtains,  
Turn on the light;  
I'm suffocating in this darkness  
Bring the sun, leave the night.

_It's all my fault_

 

 

 

 

 

-+-

Tadashi looked at the ground. His eyes started flittering around on the concrete. They lingered on Hiro’s shoes. They were scuffed and edged in mud. Hiro saw how his eye brows were scrunched together, he clearly couldn’t comprehend what Hiro had said. Couldn’t take it in. Couldn’t believe it. Hiro cleared his throat. It was up to him to reassure him.

“It’s _not your fault_ Tadashi.

You can’t help who you fall in love with.”

Tadashi looked up. There was a long pause between them.

They were still in the middle of the street, about a meter apart. Both of their hands were fiddling with the old and faded fabrics of their clothes. There was a thin amount of stubble on both of their faces. Both of their eyes were tired, but both had so much adoration ifor each other. Baymax was about 3 meters behind Hiro, eyes focusing on the scene in front of him.

“I can’t lose you Tadashi. Not again-”  
“You don’t understand Hiro. I can’t… I… It won’t be the same. I can’t be the brother you knew anymore…”  
“I know! I don’t. I don’t mind. So long as I have you. I’ll do anything, I’ll. I’ll be what you need. What you want. _I’m not afraid.”_

Tadashi’s face hinted at a nervous smile. He paused.  
“I am. I’m terrified.” Tadashi stopped himself abruptly.

Hiro moved forward slightly.  
Tadashi recoiled, startling like a butterfly when a gust of wind whips along the flowers.  
Hiro lent forward quickly though and grasped his hand, pulling him closer. Tadashi clearly panicked but settled as Hiro ran his thumb back and forth across his knuckles. Hiro kept his eyes focused on Tadashi, which almost made the man concave under the attention. Tadashi didn’t know where to look. What to do. What to say.

“It’s okay.” Hiro said as softly as he could. Obviously Hiro  _was_ afraid. But he couldn’t think of that now.  
Only Tadashi.

Tadashi focused on the floor and not being sick again with nerves.  
“How… how do you know?”  
“Know what?”  
“That I love you… that you love. I…” Tadashi’s broke up.

Hiro smiled.  
“I could just tell. Gogo had her suspicious too.”

Tadashi’s eyes shot up like a blaze of fire on a wooden stake. He pulled his hand out of Hiro’s. Hiro made to grab it again but Tadashi held it back.  
“Gogo!?”  
“Yes, don’t, don’t get upset about it. It’s fine. She wants to help.”  
“How did she realise?”  
“The way you… um… look at me. I guess.” Hiro blushed. Tadashi looked at him dumbfounded, looked at the blush on his cheeks like he was a new and weird form of species.

Moments passed.

“And what makes you think you love me? I’m just your brother-”

Hiro cut in, speaking fast, not thinking, saying all the things he should have said when he first realised he reciprocated his brother’s feelings:  
“You’re not just my brother Tadashi! I don’t feel the same about you as I used to, the way you feel about me has changed how I see you. I find myself staring at you, and, dreaming and I just don’t want to lose again. I can’t lose you you’re all I need now I…”

 

Hiro stopped.

 

“What is it?” Hiro asked.  
Tadashi’s eyes were wide and round and now he was blushing.  
“Dreaming?” Tadashi stammered.

Hiro mentally slapped himself. He gulped.  
“Um… well I…” He shuffled uncomfortably. “Well… You’ve dreamed of me too _bonehead_!” He blurted.

Tadashi’s eyes widened even more as he thought back to that dream. But then a thought struck him. He had many dreams of _that_ nature, so how did…?

His eyes narrowed and Hiro swore he saw a glimmer of flirtatiousness behind his eyes.  
“How do you know it was about you?”

Hiro began running his hands up and down his bicep.  
“Um… you… you said my name.”

Then, almost inaudibly Tadashi asked; (“did you watch?”)

Hiro dropped his hands, ignoring the fact his ‘manhood’ was rudely reacting to the memory of watching Tadashi dream about him.

“Um… Maybe…”

This was the last conversation Hiro expected to have with Tadashi this day. Or, any day soon for that matter. While his thoughts were lingering in the bodily side of things, he realised that if they did _get together_ then they would probably… ‘ _get together’._  
Hiro took a sharp intake of breath.

Tadashi didn’t miss this change in Hiro, but was too consumed by the thought of Hiro watching him in his sleep to dwell on Hiro’s current state of affairs.

This awkward air between them remained for a while, before Tadashi drifted down into reality again.

 

“Hiro.” Hiro glanced up at him quickly, glad to be taken out of his thoughts (before they went too far into the more intimate side of things-). “I don’t.” Tadashi sighed. He really appreciated what Hiro was trying to do, and his obvious physical attraction to Tadashi was flattering. Very, _very_ flattering, but Tadashi couldn’t let this happen. “I mean.” Hiro had a life ahead of him. A good life. Not one where he would be judged for being with his brother. Tadashi couldn’t believe Hiro felt the same way. Hiro had to let him go. “You have to let me go.”

Hiro frowned.  
“No… I said I love you too.”  
Tadashi shook his head sadly.  
“You have your whole life Hiro. And I appreciate this.” His put his hands of Hiro’s shoulders, looking intently into his eyes, trying to not buckle beneath everything.  
Hiro pulled back slightly, letting Tadashi’s hands slip off his shoulders.

“You don’t believe me do you? That I feel the same you-. But I do. I do feel the same!”

“Hiro stop.”

Tadashi looked away. The sadness and reality of the situation returned between them. Hiro knew it wasn’t Tadashi’s fault, knew he was fine wired to _protect_ Hiro. Hiro realised that Tadashi would still feel like he was taking advantage of his naive little brother. Yes, in many ways Hiro was naïve. He didn’t know how many things worked, how relationships worked, how the technical side to  _making_ _love_ would work; but he did know he would not lose Tadashi. Not again.

Hiro knew he needed to do something more. Determination began to brim within him, which shunned any standing doubts and concerns in his mind.

He said, in his best ‘do as you’re told’ voice: “Close your eyes.”

Tadashi looked to him, frowning. His head shook slightly in confusion.

“ _Close your eyes_.”

Tadashi looked past Hiro at Baymax, who tilted his head to the side, just as clueless at Tadashi. At length Tadashi slowly shut his eyes. He didn’t know why he was, or what Hiro was going to do or why on a dark night he would even have to have his eyes closed when all he should be doing is going away from Hiro, the sweetest person on the earth who he failed to protect and Tadashi was about to open his eyes, say goodbye and walk away when-

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He felt a soft press on his lips.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Astonished his eyes shot open, to see the warm pair of deep brown eyes. Tadashi pulled back.

 

“ _Hiro_?”

 

Hiro, with eyes focused, lips wet and cheeks pink, lifted his hands to cup Tadashi’s face. Unwavering he said:

 

 

“I love you Tadashi.”

 

And he pulled Tadashi into another kiss.  
Tadashi made a pathetic attempt to pull away but he obviously failed.  
Instead he lifted his arms to wrap around Hiro’s back, pulling him flush against himself.  
He didn’t really know what he was doing, he didn’t really feel like he was _there_ but it was real and it was happening.  
And it felt amazing.  
He groaned softly into the kiss when he felt Hiro against himself (Hiro’s groin was still reminiscing about the dream ‘situation’) but still became acutely alarmed when his body began to react in the same way.  
He pulled away from the kiss, flustered but daring a miniature smile.

They stood for a moment, neither knowing what to do next, neither wanting to rush but neither wanting to stop.

 

Eventually Hiro spoke.  
“Come home.”

The fear and doubt that flashed onto Tadashi’s face frightened Hiro. Tadashi cast his eyes down and the fidgeting returned.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It still wasn’t enough.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  
“Tadashi.” Hiro took Tadashi’s face into his palms. He tilted it upright to make Tadashi look at him. Tadashi’s eyes weren’t wide anymore, not shocked, just sad.  
“We’ll figure it out. I don’t know how. But we will.”  
Tadashi searched Hiro’s eyes for any doubt. He didn’t find any.  
“How do you know that?” Tadashi asked, desperate to believe they could be happy.  
“Because we want to. That’s how.”  
“You make it sound easy.”  
“It is.”  
“No it’s not.”  
“It _can_ be.”  
“How?”  
“If you let me.”  
“Let you what?”

 

 

“Let me _love you_.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tadashi let out a quivering breath as a few stray tears escaped.  
Hiro wiped his thumb across his cheek.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hiro gently placed another kiss onto Tadashi’s lips before moving his head to the side to speak softly into Tadashi’s ear.  
“Let me love you Tadashi… Come home with me”

Afterwards Hiro pulled back to look at Tadashi’s face.

He knew this was the end.

The end of them as brothers.

The end of their life as it was.

Perhaps the end of them seeing each other again.

Hiro didn’t know what else he could say. He was out of bright ideas. His big brain had no more _lightbulb_ moments.

If Tadashi refused him now then he would be forced to let him go.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Please.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Okay.” Tadashi said eventually.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“I’ll come home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's the end! 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading this, I honestly hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it :D I'll still be on this website (I've started writing an Alice in Wonderland 'High School AU' if anyone's interested, it'll be a oneshot so won't be posted yet, but keep a look out if you like the sound of it!) so keep leaving your comments (grammatical and spelling etc included!) and I'll reply when I can :)
> 
> You guys have been the best and I love you all, have fun out there! God Bless x


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